Deep breaths, feeling sad at night

Thank you T!

I hope you know the feelings are mutual and i appreciate the time you have taken today and all the time you take with your thoughtful posts!

I'm taking my dog to a friends for dinner tonight and will do my best to try and not stare at my phone ;-) if I do, it will just be to read some of the posts for strength and comfort.

I don’t think I’m as far along on my journey as any of you, so I’m sorry if my posts get ranty or regressive. I’m still vacillating between crying in the pool and wanting to smack him over the head with a frying pan so he’ll be in pain too. Cause you’re right, I’m sure he’s not dwelling on it like I am. So... apologies for still being in the infancy of my journey. I’m learning from you all but my attachment issues are bigger than I thought and I also have adhd (and I’m in the depths of perimenopause) so my feels get REAL BIG when they hit. I’m not what you would call... stable with the moods. I try.







Madame, it’s important to realize that he does not have the same “ism” as you. 
He is not even even close to reacting to this the way you are.

Unhealthy AP’s pursue emotionally and physically unavailable partners because they are emotionally unavailable to other people and unavailable to themselves. 

Unhealthy AP’s are even emotionally unavailable to themselves. That’s why they can’t take natural action to remove themselves from harm.  They are reacting to perceived abandonment constantly. 
That is NOT emotional availability. It is emotional pain turned to survival and the focus is on the self.  with no real hope because they are emotionally dependent on their perceived “partner”.  This is not a partnership it is dysfunction. 


As for pain.  Any DA has pain that you dare not invalidate. 
It is not on the surface and it is not reaching to you for validation but it is real and deep and profoundly difficult to uncover and heal.  Try not to forget that. You are not his answer and neither is any woman.  His answer is in himself just like yours is. 


He chose uou because you are emotionally unavailable.  He hides in dysfunction with you like you hide in dysfunction with him.


Sex is a nice smokescreen but look where that gets you.

The broken record says deep pain drives both partners but you are forgetting that because of your pain.  Just reminding you how serious this really is. I know avoidants who avoided until they can’t avoid any more and it’s devastating and i care.  Absolute horrific emotional pain. 

my grandbaby will be born today!
i hope everyone has a good day, breakups suck no matter how you slice it and i want to go through as few as possible in the future haha
Hugs!

I am glad you are in a little better place today.  One day at a time. 

I dont know what in his mind, but i have in the past wrapped up business to do what i thought was fair.
But there are a lot of things about his behavior that i don’t relate to or understand at all.  

I am just glad you’re in a better place.  

my ex DA sent me a check for a trimmer i had bought him, a week after we broke up. 
i felt like it was just him poking me to see if i would react.
i did but i was just pissed because the trimmer was a gift.
it was just post breakup sparring for us. 

i dont know tho of course, it’s a different scenario.  

i’m sure it’s gonna bug ya.  i get that.

i think i am done being sad about my breakup.  it’s like it all came out in one big ball that one day i posted here.  since then i haven’t really felt it but i have posted like mad here because i want to do this all better than i have in the past. 

like not stuff it.