Post by brityank on Jun 25, 2016 18:13:54 GMT
For eight months I dated a man who was brilliant and seven years younger than me. I knew he was fearful avoidant from the way he would sometimes get cold feet and not call for a week or two, but I hoped with time things would work out. The intimacy, both physical and emotional, was great, but then there'd be these gaps. One night there was a time when I was holding him and could actually feel that he was not really present with me, but that was rare.
Anyone who saw us together would have thought, "If that woman wants that man, I'm sure she can have him." I say this because he was morbidly obese. I am an average size, but had been hurt by a previous boyfriend who badgered me about losing weight to become model thin, so I was actually almost grateful to be with someone who seemed so thrilled to be with me. He had not known much love in his life.
On our last date, he took me to look at houses. I didn't make more than this than just what he said - that he was looking for a new place for himself. But he did ask my opinion on every place. And that night he looked me in the eye and told me that I had control of him, body and soul. I think those were the fatal words that did our love in. I would never have said those words, but he heard himself say them - and I never saw him again.
After three weeks, during which I'd sent him two light texts, I sent him a letter saying I missed him and hoped it wasn't over, but that in any case I needed some indication from him. He texted me that "he hadn't wanted to break up by text" but that I once said I made him nervous, and he didn't want to continue. This was silly. I said that in a flirty way, and anyway, big deal. I called him the second the text flashed on my phone, and he didn't answer, so obviously he DID want to break up by text. It's over a year later and I still can't seem to move on. I really believe that he will be alone the rest of his life, never have sex again - after all, it had been years when I met him. I could have given him the love and intimacy he's never had (he's 50) and he could have given me the affection and security I crave. I hate that we are both alone and lonely and it seems like such a waste.
Anyone who saw us together would have thought, "If that woman wants that man, I'm sure she can have him." I say this because he was morbidly obese. I am an average size, but had been hurt by a previous boyfriend who badgered me about losing weight to become model thin, so I was actually almost grateful to be with someone who seemed so thrilled to be with me. He had not known much love in his life.
On our last date, he took me to look at houses. I didn't make more than this than just what he said - that he was looking for a new place for himself. But he did ask my opinion on every place. And that night he looked me in the eye and told me that I had control of him, body and soul. I think those were the fatal words that did our love in. I would never have said those words, but he heard himself say them - and I never saw him again.
After three weeks, during which I'd sent him two light texts, I sent him a letter saying I missed him and hoped it wasn't over, but that in any case I needed some indication from him. He texted me that "he hadn't wanted to break up by text" but that I once said I made him nervous, and he didn't want to continue. This was silly. I said that in a flirty way, and anyway, big deal. I called him the second the text flashed on my phone, and he didn't answer, so obviously he DID want to break up by text. It's over a year later and I still can't seem to move on. I really believe that he will be alone the rest of his life, never have sex again - after all, it had been years when I met him. I could have given him the love and intimacy he's never had (he's 50) and he could have given me the affection and security I crave. I hate that we are both alone and lonely and it seems like such a waste.