Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2018 20:00:32 GMT
so, a guy that has been messaging me on a dating site and re-initiating contact after i thought we were done ( i apparently wasn’t clear enough , as i was distracted by other things in life and it wasn’t a big deal, oops) - just re-initiated contact and messaged me to ask
“if i ran into you in a bookstore, what section would i find you in?”
my response was automatic and instant. i was in a hurry. i get it, i get why we seem like jerks.... but really, this is a red flag he should pay attention to...
i wrote ”in the ‘How to Avoid Relationships” section. I am taking a break. “
it was best i could do at the moment, i can’t hide my profile from people that have already contacted me.
I will try to be better at it next time, i just feel so done done and done right now! i feel like he has reached out when most people would just stop.
Usually i say something like “you seem like a nice person but i am not interested, but i do wish you the very best in your search!”
i think i would just like to not do online AT ALL EVER.
how do other avoidants do dating? do you date? how does this work?
Asking for input from avoidants only please!
|
|
|
|
Post by ocarina on Feb 11, 2018 20:08:20 GMT
Not online - yikes - far too much pressure for me.
I am pretty happy in myself and find that at the right moment the right person seems to just appear - well maybe not the right person exactly, but the person required for that particular lesson.
At the moment I am finding it difficult to get out - full on job and kids and just not enough momentum to get me out socialising. I do realise that as a hermit i am pretty unlikely to ever meet a partner - maybe once the sun is shining and I am outdoors more it will happen.
I am better at meeting through mutual interest - singing, running, biking, surfing, skiing - takes the pressure away from having to audition as a potential partner.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2018 20:19:00 GMT
Not online - yikes - far too much pressure for me. I am pretty happy in myself and find that at the right moment the right person seems to just appear - well maybe not the right person exactly, but the person required for that particular lesson. At the moment I am finding it difficult to get out - full on job and kids and just not enough momentum to get me out socialising. I do realise that as a hermit i am pretty unlikely to ever meet a partner - maybe once the sun is shining and I am outdoors more it will happen. I am better at meeting through mutual interest - singing, running, biking, surfing, skiing - takes the pressure away from having to audition as a potential partner. yes, i relate to all of that very well. i think that online is just not a good option for me. i hate it. i like the mutual activity route, that’s how i met my ex and that’s probably what would have to happen. im don’t really meet new people in my favorite activities and would have to try to expand in order to unless the stars aligned... if i become willing to do that i will. i am resting and just content right now. |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 11, 2018 20:26:05 GMT
I find onlinedating to be a bit tiring, but I might try again at some point.
Mutual interest works better for me and also helpt me avoid long distance relationships.
(I have noticed that while I enjoy LD up to a point, at some stage you really have to go from seeing each other rarely to living together and I would rather be able to increase the frequency gradually.)
A problem I am working on is showing more romantic interest to guys I like that I meet through mutual interest. Last time, I did flirt but it was not encouraging enough :-( There was a guy who liked me, and after a few months I started liking him too but felt uneasy showing him more attention than others. Then suddenly he had a girlfriend. Later I overheard another guy asking him if I was the girl he was in love with and he was like "Shhh, keep it quiet!"
My pace is still slower than that of people who have always been secure and I think I give off a "May not be available" vibe.
I want to improve these areas so I can meet guys who only pursue women who are interested.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2018 20:35:43 GMT
i don’t ever want to live together, i would like to find a close parallel life instead of an intertwined.
i think it can happen.
a few degrees healthier and my ex DA would have been the one.
our sticking points and an external factor made it unworkable but i do think this kind of long term relationship is possible.
call me crazy. crazy like a fox! haha
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2018 21:27:08 GMT
I find onlinedating to be a bit tiring, but I might try again at some point. Mutual interest works better for me and also helpt me avoid long distance relationships. (I have noticed that while I enjoy LD up to a point, at some stage you really have to go from seeing each other rarely to living together and I would rather be able to increase the frequency gradually.) A problem I am working on is showing more romantic interest to guys I like that I meet through mutual interest. Last time, I did flirt but it was not encouraging enough :-( There was a guy who liked me, and after a few months I started liking him too but felt uneasy showing him more attention than others. Then suddenly he had a girlfriend. Later I overheard another guy asking him if I was the girl he was in love with and he was like "Shhh, keep it quiet!" My pace is still slower than that of people who have always been secure and I think I give off a "May not be available" vibe. I want to improve these areas so I can meet guys who only pursue women who are interested. Oh , I'm pretty sure I have that vibe also. I have been called intimidating and unapproachable a few too many times. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2018 21:48:06 GMT
i decided to just delete my account because i hate the venue, and i end up wading through a lot of nonsense.
ahhhhhhhh.
that’s better. online profile gone.
problem solved with that one.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 11, 2018 22:19:35 GMT
Oh , I'm pretty sure I have that vibe also. I have been called intimidating and unapproachable a few too many times. I used to be called unapproachable, but now it is more subtle. People do strike up a conversation and flirt, but they are afraid to actually ask me out. I have heard guys say they thought I was likely to reject them or to already have a boyfriend. Deep down, I think this sort of mental veil is meant to protect myself from being lovebombed by forcing a slow pace. But the result may actually be that the secure guys give up (They can find matches quite easily) while the clingy guys see it as mystery and challenge and are prepared to pursue relentlessly. |
|
