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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 8:22:01 GMT
Lol people. : D just want to say it’s great to have this board and know I’m not the only person feeling all the craziness!
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Post by serene13 on Feb 17, 2018 20:51:06 GMT
I really like this thread  The FA I knew was waiting on 'the one' to change and not be a jerk. Sounded to me like he would be waiting into eternity. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 21:02:33 GMT
I really like this thread The FA I knew was waiting on 'the one' to change and not be a jerk. Sounded to me like he would be waiting into eternity. Same as my FA I think FA seems to take one of two paths... 1.avoiding relationships altogether Or 2. Dating lots of people for a few weeks and declaring all of them not "the one" Both great ways of avoiding ever really getting to know anybody |
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Post by serene13 on Feb 17, 2018 22:08:39 GMT
I really like this thread The FA I knew was waiting on 'the one' to change and not be a jerk. Sounded to me like he would be waiting into eternity. Same as my FA I think FA seems to take one of two paths... 1.avoiding relationships altogether Or 2. Dating lots of people for a few weeks and declaring all of them not "the one" Both great ways of avoiding ever really getting to know anybody Yes, Yasmin, we have this in common - #2 was the case with mine. I remember that you said you felt like your DA knew you better than just about anybody and you him - did I get that right? It was that way for me - that's what makes the second, avoidant phase so hard. The one I knew - when stuff hit him the hardest - told me by text - in a machine-like way - that he had deleted me - I knew what that meant - and has literally disappeared over the past 7 months. The exception being one time when I ended up in the same establishment as him and just my presence seemed to disturb him. Still is really the strangest experience I've ever had. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 22:20:13 GMT
Same as my FA I think FA seems to take one of two paths... 1.avoiding relationships altogether Or 2. Dating lots of people for a few weeks and declaring all of them not "the one" Both great ways of avoiding ever really getting to know anybody Yes, Yasmin, we have this in common - #2 was the case with mine. I remember that you said you felt like your DA knew you better than just about anybody and you him - did I get that right? It was that way for me - that's what makes the second, avoidant phase so hard. The one I knew - when stuff hit him the hardest - told me by text - in a machine-like way - that he had deleted me - I knew what that meant - and has literally disappeared over the past 7 months. The exception being one time when I ended up in the same establishment as him and just my presence seemed to disturb him. Still is really the strangest experience I've ever had. Actually it was strange. It wasn't until he started being avoidant that we got close. I think I recognised how he was behaving because it was natural for me, so I reacted differently to the others he's dated. I just let him be avoidant. Like a cat under the bed I just waited for him to come out and let him take space. That was when his fear called down and I think we truly attached. Unfortunately he felt I wasn't "the one". Two FAs are uniquely capable of deep mutual compassion and understanding once they feel secure with each other. In a sure both of us miss the connection. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Feb 20, 2018 1:04:29 GMT
I've found it a harmful concept. I've spent years not dating because I thought I met "the one" and that eventually she'd realize. I spent even more years being a crappy partner because of the ways my partner did not match with my idea of "the one" or because I was annoyed I met someone who felt like "the one" after I was already in a committed relationship to someone else, etc. I based practically me entire paradigm/cosmology of the universe on my concept of "the soulmate" and it just led to decades of pain and unfulfilled longing. I never even dated any of "the ones" and spent years feeling gyped by the universe because of that.
What a harmful idea that turned out to be.
I now think that all people are going to have ways in which we enjoy them and ways in which they may seem imperfect, but that being in a mature adult relationship means letting go of the fantasy and working with what you have (that is, working with your own mind/brain/wiring but also with the reality of your relationship and the other person before you). Striving to have a healthier relationship, to be healthier.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 15, 2018 9:49:50 GMT
Ugh...I honestly hate "The One".....I swear it is a deflecting strategy to prevent too much expectation by another person. You can't expect much from me if I have told you, you are not "The One". It also provides an amazing "out" whenever things get too REAL. Gah...can't stand it.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 15, 2018 10:12:09 GMT
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 15, 2018 15:28:56 GMT
Thanks for that. I certainly see the similarities on the two articles. It really does seem as though Disney and internet porn have ruined things for the modern woman and man, respectively. Talk about unrealistic expectations |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 15, 2018 15:34:03 GMT
Thanks for that. I certainly see the similarities on the two articles. It really does seem as though Disney and internet porn have ruined things for the modern woman and man, respectively. Talk about unrealistic expectations Wait...are you suggesting that there isn't a Prince Charming who will sweep me off my feet and provide that happily ever after life together? I want my money back from all those Disney princess movies. . |
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 15, 2018 15:38:29 GMT
Thanks for that. I certainly see the similarities on the two articles. It really does seem as though Disney and internet porn have ruined things for the modern woman and man, respectively. Talk about unrealistic expectations Wait...are you suggesting that there isn't a Prince Charming who will sweep me off my feet and provide that happily ever after life together? I want my money back from all those Disney princess movies. . Well, let's put it this way.. I think you're more likely to have an evil brother who'll throw you off a cliff in Africa somewhere when he gets the chance and makes sure your offspring are cast out than someone flawless coming along, but that's just me 😁 Sadly, the same goes for all the movies with super avoidant leads who change completely through the love and acceptance of another person. Reality tends to work a bit differently than that. |
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