a list of emotions and descriptions

one of the most powerful feelings i have encountered is a feeling of disappointment and it is not on this list.
just hearing someone suggest i might be disappointed when i was blocking pain has opened huge wells of sadness for me.
but it was a good thing. to actually name it and hearing someone say the word "disappointment " felt like giving me permission to cry about it.
it's not that i didn't know what disappointment was. but i was removed from naming and admitting it.
i had to go searching for my feelings in order to really let them be valid and real. so the labeling of them, is what helped me face them.
i guess that's the best way to say it.

so, it sounds a little strange i guess but i feel like i have needed permission from myself and others to acknowledge pain.
it was unbearable at times to sit and let it all come up, it kind of feels like dying i guess sometimes.
but it's so good for you and then after it passes it's peaceful. or lighter. i feel friendly toward myself after i get myself through something like that.
so it takes practice but each time i get more brave, in fact i feel comfortable with it by now.
rather than make me harder or killing me it makes me softer and more alive and i feel fresh and ok!