Post by goldilocks on Apr 2, 2018 20:16:42 GMT
Don't tell me to remove my bulletproof jacket, help me out of the warzone first
Is a bulletproof jacket wrong?
Is a bulletproof jacket unhealthy?
Is a bulletproof jacket useless?
No.
but...a bulletproof jacket is inappropriate to a safe environment.
If a Secure attachment system is a light raincoat, our system is like a bulletproof jacket
Secure: Adapted to safe environment
DA: Adapted to unsafe environment
We do not see many people with a bulletproof jacket in a safe environment. It is not needed there, and if it limits ones comfort or range of motion, it is inappropriate. However, in a warzone, we would expect to see many people wearing bulletproof jackets. It is relevant at the very least and sometimes even critical to ones survival. In a warzone, people in light raincoats either buy bulletproof jackets or risk getting shot.
Were we to look at correlations, people in light raincoats may very well be happier, healthier and more loving on average than people in bulletproof jackets. If we want to help people have a fulfilling and meaningful life, what do we do?
Do we focus on helping people take off their bulletproof jackets?
No.
We help people get out of warzones, we try to end wars and we try to prevent wars. Once in safety, we heal the wounded. Once people are both safe and whole, if we would find any of them a wearing bulletproof vest, we would suggest removing it.
Now how does society help someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style?
At the moment, often not.
Which fills me with profound sadness...
For anyone who is looking to help someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, including oneself, have a fulfilling and meaningful life:
The question is not “How do we remove Dismissive attachment system?”
The question is: “Why has a Dismissive attachment system been necessary?”
Then, we can work on removing the necessity for extra protection. Create a safe environment, heal the wounds. Only once healing has taken place, and we can trust that the environment will remain safe, work can be done on the attachment system.
If needed.
Is a bulletproof jacket wrong?
Is a bulletproof jacket unhealthy?
Is a bulletproof jacket useless?
No.
but...a bulletproof jacket is inappropriate to a safe environment.
If a Secure attachment system is a light raincoat, our system is like a bulletproof jacket
Secure: Adapted to safe environment
DA: Adapted to unsafe environment
We do not see many people with a bulletproof jacket in a safe environment. It is not needed there, and if it limits ones comfort or range of motion, it is inappropriate. However, in a warzone, we would expect to see many people wearing bulletproof jackets. It is relevant at the very least and sometimes even critical to ones survival. In a warzone, people in light raincoats either buy bulletproof jackets or risk getting shot.
Were we to look at correlations, people in light raincoats may very well be happier, healthier and more loving on average than people in bulletproof jackets. If we want to help people have a fulfilling and meaningful life, what do we do?
Do we focus on helping people take off their bulletproof jackets?
No.
We help people get out of warzones, we try to end wars and we try to prevent wars. Once in safety, we heal the wounded. Once people are both safe and whole, if we would find any of them a wearing bulletproof vest, we would suggest removing it.
Now how does society help someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style?
At the moment, often not.
Which fills me with profound sadness...
For anyone who is looking to help someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, including oneself, have a fulfilling and meaningful life:
The question is not “How do we remove Dismissive attachment system?”
The question is: “Why has a Dismissive attachment system been necessary?”
Then, we can work on removing the necessity for extra protection. Create a safe environment, heal the wounds. Only once healing has taken place, and we can trust that the environment will remain safe, work can be done on the attachment system.
If needed.
