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Post by cogs74 on May 6, 2018 0:49:58 GMT
I too agree with how one sentence shouldn’t end a relationship. Logically, I see how it impacts an unaware DA but the reality it is it’s hard to accept that I ran through red flags and compromised myself. It’s not mature and it was passive aggressive but I made those comments to call her out of sorts.
L was just being who she was. She is selfish but I made my bed. I wanted to feel like she loved me for who I am but as time passes I don’t see that as being the case. I’m sure she loved me in the she way she knows how. Alcoholic Mom and No Dad...that’s sad. I wanna know that girl. She’s great in so many other ways and I saw us being a great opposite attracts story....to much fantasy in me.
Perhaps another time. All I can do is work on myself.
Unless, some DA female on here can give the manual to her heart lol
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Post by leavethelighton on May 7, 2018 23:42:40 GMT
I don't think that expecting your partner not to make a racist joke about you is asking someone to walk on eggshells. Yes, once was enough for me to end it. Yes, people are imperfect, but it it no way excuses that behavior, in my opinion. Actually, I don't think my relationship was doomed anyway. There was just no way back for me with that one sentence. True, I didn't think about that for some reason. If someone said something particularly racist (or various other forms of prejudice), I'd be out of there too. I get having no tolerance for that nonsense. |
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Post by goldilocks on May 11, 2018 10:51:57 GMT
Is there anything I can do that could tug at her heart strings enough for her make her wanna go against her logic? A general hint for all: Don't try to tug at the heartstrings of a dismissive, it will only make us feel manipulated and repulsed. Our hearts can only sing in the open skies, not in a cage. |
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Post by tnr9 on May 11, 2018 13:03:00 GMT
Is there anything I can do that could tug at her heart strings enough for her make her wanna go against her logic? A general hint for all: Don't try to tug at the heartstrings of a dismissive, it will only make us feel manipulated and repulsed. Our hearts can only sing in the open skies, not in a cage. Great reminder Goldilocks. |
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Post by mindful on Jun 2, 2018 13:42:38 GMT
Also, I think you REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn how to not say things to your significant other (her or someone else in the future) like you did (IE “I’m not gonna step up for you” and “I won’t provide for you”) when you are feeling anxious. It seems these two events really made her throw up her armor and back away. You did this as an attention seeking bid. “SHOW ME YOU CARE!” It was your cry for help. Just like you learned as a child. We can’t do those things when we’re older. I realized in my second relationship that all it can take is ONE sentence like that out of your mouth to do irreparable damage that a relationship can not recover from. You felt the world collapsing on you and felt anxious and said these words that made her feel like she can not be safe with you. You are like the cute dog that bit her. She was cautious and you bit her again and hurt her so now she is protective of herself and doesn’t want to get hurt again. After all, you’ve said those things twice now and hurt her so she thinks you will bite her again!! She backed away and then you tried to make up for it by going full tilt the other way and telling her how much you care about her! It doesn’t work that way. She’s scared now. DAs are al about safety. You make them feel unsafe and you’re OUT! Maybe not forever but it will take them a long time to let that wound heal. I’m afraid you will do this again the next time you feel like you’re losing someone. If you feel it that’s fine but please my friend, bite your damn tongue and don’t let it out. Think about it until you’re in a non emotional state and if you still feel it (you won’t) then you can bring it up. This makes a lot of sense. I had made bids for safety in unproductive ways, and I had trouble wrapping my head around why he was still feeling hurt after I apologized and we discussed why it happened. On the other hand, I think if a relationship can be so doomed from one sentence, then that is likely someone it would be doomed with anyway. Maybe there's a dozen sentences in the world where that isn't the case and it would be a valid reason for it to end, but in most cases in a mature adult relationships, people should realize that something said in a time of stress, anger, pain, etc. means you're an imperfect human. After everyone has calmed down there should be a healthy discussion about it. I just think if you have to walk so much on eggshells that you fear if you said a wrong sentence then they will head for the hills, then it isn't a relationship that can work. You should be able to say something silly, stupid, poorly phrased etc., once in awhile-- not constantly!! But every once in a while-- without your partner just ending it. This was how I started to feel towards the end - there was no way we could go on without me unintentionally saying something that hurt him. I started understanding how I could ask for reassurance better, but by then he was picking up on sentences that were poorly phrased or I just said without thinking, and interpreting them as malice on my part. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 20:55:05 GMT
Is there anything I can do that could tug at her heart strings enough for her make her wanna go against her logic? A general hint for all: Don't try to tug at the heartstrings of a dismissive, it will only make us feel manipulated and repulsed. Our hearts can only sing in the open skies, not in a cage. hear , hear. . oh my. we are attracted to what we are attracted to. i am attracted to self confidence and independence, sincerity, and warmth. no manipulation necessary. |
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