So, yesterday I had a conversation with him which went like this:
Him: So sad. Having tried to have a good relationship with someone who doesn't even like me.
Me: Don't say something like that.
Him: Why?
Me: You talk like it's not difficult for me at all.
Him: Well, it's the truth, but since you say you don't wanna hear it, I won't say it. But I really feel like that.
Me: If I didn't like you I wouldn't have come so far and cried this much.
Him: I don't understand why you cry. You've always come up with and looked for reasons why we can't have a relationship. Now you got what you wanted (breakup), why do you cry?
Me: What you did hurt me and I was afraid of being hurt, so I tried to control you. That might have looked like I have no feelings for you but...
Him: Yeah, it looked like that, I've felt like that and I feel like that right now.
Me: I also sometimes feel something, but you negate it. We don't understand each other.
Him: Well. I really don't know.
Me: Me too.
Him: You just don't have any feelings, that's the only thing I feel. You're the person who has been looking for reasons to break up all the time.
Me: Does that even make sense? If I had no feelings, would I cry like this?
Him: Apart from crying...
Me: You said you're reading something about psychology, didn't you?
Him: What I've read? You have a low stress tolerance. Not only the conflicts you have with me, but also other conflicts you avoid.
Me: See, you only read what you already think. That's not the problem.
Him: That's the problem.
...
Me: I'm not talking about this right now.
Him: I tried to find positive parts as well. But can't think of them right now.
I've explained to him before why I act cold and distant as an avoidant, I even sent him links to read, but he still doesn't get it. It's like talking to a wall that thinks it's got everything sorted out already. I find his behavior quite manipulative. Saying things like "You have never loved me", "You never care about my feelings", "I'm the only one who has made any efforts in our relationship". Well, seems like he forgot what the beginning of the relationship was like (refer to my other post "Dysfunctional Relationship Finally Came to an End"). For the past few weeks our conversations have been similar to this one. I don't think he will ever get it, though.
