Post by jeremyg23 on May 19, 2018 17:59:29 GMT
Background on my ex: she was always taught to kept quiet growing up, was never able to express her emotions to her parents or family and when she did they did not care. Her dad was very harsh and her parents constantly fought. She was also raped in high school by her ex boyfriends friends. she never told her parents, she told her friends who didn't believe her. She has a very hard time expressing emotion. She seems to have no true friends. She is obsessed with work. she says that is the one area she control. I think she is combo of anxious and avoidant. She also told me in the beginning that she usually doesn't get into relationships.
Background on me: I seem to always get in relationships that I am not supposed to be in (they have a bf or I work with them or its my friends sibling etc.) I believe i fall under anxious and constantly feel like I am not being loved or treated right in relationships (I feel like i go after avoidant types). I often date people who seem to have little emotion or have extreme difficulty in showing emotion. When they don't show emotion or I feel like I am not being treated right I sometimes get really upset and say things i don't mean.
First 3 months, this was the best relationship of my life. We never fought. We traveled together. We were with each other constantly, everyday. We worked together and would spend the night at each others houses. We would tell each other our goals and bucket lists and help each other on how we were going to accomplish these things. We would read books and discuss them. She would tell me she had a hard time expressing her thoughts verbally, but she would write me these amazing cards and send me songs whose lyrics were exactly how she felt. I completely fell for this girl. I loved her.
Now comes the downfall- We had a bad argument and I really lost my temper, i didn't call any names, but i spoke very loud and aggressively. I felt i was right about the situation and she wasn't understanding or seeing my POV. She completely shut down. She invited me over but she just cried and would not speak or move. She went to work the next day, a complete mess, eyes all puffed. I felt awful. I never wanted to make her feel like that again. I tried to explain why i reacted the way i did, i apologized, knew i was wrong and said i would get better at communicating. i would try my best and i meant it.
She started acting differently after this, the cards stopped and then the songs stopped, which made me freak out and want to get closer to her. when we would have good nights, she would start fights for no reason, she would act emotionless and when i asked what was wrong she would never tell me, and then a week later i would find out she's upset about something i did. she would say that I don't respect her voice. "I don't want her to have a voice". I swear i want her to have a voice. I want her to communicate with me. Anytime we would have an argument i would try to explain why i feel the way i do, listen to her and she would say that I just think she is wrong and that she shouldn't talk anymore. All i really wanted was for her to talk and communicate with me. If i didn't answer her, she would freak out. she always wanted to know how i felt but wouldnt tell me how she felt.
When we would argue sometimes she would say she wanted to hurt herself. or should go for walks in the middle of the night in a not good area. She would say that I "think she is emotionless, but really she feels things way harder than other people". She kept saying she couldn't believe i would hurt her like i did that one night we had the big argument.
This went on for months. No cards, no songs, no telling me how she feels about me. While I pour my heart and soul out. She pushed me away and kept pushing me away. Eventually I gave in and said we can be done. I moved to another city and took another job.
The second I post a story on social media, she is the first one that looks at it. She has not contacted me. I miss her so much. I have thought about her everyday. I think she still cares. I broke down and texted her last night saying "I just want you know you are in mind". She responded "you too"(which i thought was short). I said "yeah?" and she said "yeah". I want to contact her especially after reading about attachment theory but i feel like that will not do anything. It will make her push even further away from me.
Any advice?
Background on me: I seem to always get in relationships that I am not supposed to be in (they have a bf or I work with them or its my friends sibling etc.) I believe i fall under anxious and constantly feel like I am not being loved or treated right in relationships (I feel like i go after avoidant types). I often date people who seem to have little emotion or have extreme difficulty in showing emotion. When they don't show emotion or I feel like I am not being treated right I sometimes get really upset and say things i don't mean.
First 3 months, this was the best relationship of my life. We never fought. We traveled together. We were with each other constantly, everyday. We worked together and would spend the night at each others houses. We would tell each other our goals and bucket lists and help each other on how we were going to accomplish these things. We would read books and discuss them. She would tell me she had a hard time expressing her thoughts verbally, but she would write me these amazing cards and send me songs whose lyrics were exactly how she felt. I completely fell for this girl. I loved her.
Now comes the downfall- We had a bad argument and I really lost my temper, i didn't call any names, but i spoke very loud and aggressively. I felt i was right about the situation and she wasn't understanding or seeing my POV. She completely shut down. She invited me over but she just cried and would not speak or move. She went to work the next day, a complete mess, eyes all puffed. I felt awful. I never wanted to make her feel like that again. I tried to explain why i reacted the way i did, i apologized, knew i was wrong and said i would get better at communicating. i would try my best and i meant it.
She started acting differently after this, the cards stopped and then the songs stopped, which made me freak out and want to get closer to her. when we would have good nights, she would start fights for no reason, she would act emotionless and when i asked what was wrong she would never tell me, and then a week later i would find out she's upset about something i did. she would say that I don't respect her voice. "I don't want her to have a voice". I swear i want her to have a voice. I want her to communicate with me. Anytime we would have an argument i would try to explain why i feel the way i do, listen to her and she would say that I just think she is wrong and that she shouldn't talk anymore. All i really wanted was for her to talk and communicate with me. If i didn't answer her, she would freak out. she always wanted to know how i felt but wouldnt tell me how she felt.
When we would argue sometimes she would say she wanted to hurt herself. or should go for walks in the middle of the night in a not good area. She would say that I "think she is emotionless, but really she feels things way harder than other people". She kept saying she couldn't believe i would hurt her like i did that one night we had the big argument.
This went on for months. No cards, no songs, no telling me how she feels about me. While I pour my heart and soul out. She pushed me away and kept pushing me away. Eventually I gave in and said we can be done. I moved to another city and took another job.
The second I post a story on social media, she is the first one that looks at it. She has not contacted me. I miss her so much. I have thought about her everyday. I think she still cares. I broke down and texted her last night saying "I just want you know you are in mind". She responded "you too"(which i thought was short). I said "yeah?" and she said "yeah". I want to contact her especially after reading about attachment theory but i feel like that will not do anything. It will make her push even further away from me.
Any advice?
