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Post by happyidiot on Sept 15, 2018 0:20:51 GMT
I struggle with this too. My ex FA has always asserted he wants to stay friends, and has always followed up on that. But now that I finally know what the situation is, am I actually stunting a healing opportunity for him if I stick around platonically? However, it's not a decision I can actually make taking him into consideration because how he responds is out of my control, so I have to choose what's best for me. I think this is the thing we ALL struggle with. We can love them, but they have such a difficult time loving us back. When I broke up with her, it was the first time this year that she looked me in the eye and told me she loved me. Seeing the bits and pieces of yearning and normal make it that much harder. But WE cannot change them no matter how much love, time, and caring we throw at them (that's true for any of us.) THEY have to want to change. I feel bad for her because she's 48 and if she hasn't changed - or even wanted to - with all the love and support I would give her, I don't see her changing now (when she moved out of my house 6 years ago, she moved back into the SAME APARTMENT she lived in when we met...with furniture in all the same places. Not prone to change.) And you are right - you have to choose what's best for YOU. I'm sorry writerguy . There is a difference between someone who appears stuck and someone who is trying to work on themselves and is gradually making progress. The latter situation can be workable, even if it's still challenging, whereas if someone is very set in their ways, then all the work and growth possible on your side still might not be enough to change things. It's very sad.
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Post by cris88 on Sept 22, 2018 0:59:33 GMT
I found this series pretty eye opening and happy to know I'm not alone. It focuses a bit on the AP side but it makes me wonder...what we feel is real love/adoration or just a way to re-validate our abandonment issues? Why do we only fall for the ones who aren't truly there? What is love? Baby don't hurt me... youtu.be/vBojJVwAykc
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Jul 14, 2019 15:36:41 GMT
Bump
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Post by hannah99 on Jul 14, 2019 16:35:48 GMT
My fa ex cheated. Only once and he told me straight the way. He's with her now. But he also told me lots of details about it...way too much. Almost like he was showing off.
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Post by faithopelove on Jul 14, 2019 22:49:49 GMT
My fa ex cheated. Only once and he told me straight the way. He's with her now. But he also told me lots of details about it...way too much. Almost like he was showing off. hannah99 - I wouldn’t take back a cheater or even give him my precious thoughts. You’ll meet better!!
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Post by hannah99 on Jul 15, 2019 8:53:01 GMT
I wouldn't now either. Doesn't seem to stop me wanting him though.
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