candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 7, 2019 16:11:18 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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hola
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by hola on Apr 7, 2019 20:03:28 GMT
My ex FA came back after a month and 6 days. And we had a good relationship as well so yes, he will. Just go absolutely NO contact. No texting. No posting on SM, nothing. I know it’s hard but hang in there, it’ll also give you time to think about the relationship and what your needs are.
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 7, 2019 20:36:46 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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Post by suburbanwizard on Apr 7, 2019 21:05:57 GMT
My FA left me under similar circumstances, 7 months later she has not come back. I am normally secure, but this person triggered some deep limerance in me so I responded very AP to her sudden pullback, which likely sealed the deal. I recommend maintaining no contact for a while.
FA's are very challenging to deal with in my experience. If you can move on, do so and maybe you'll be surprised by what happens. I wish you luck.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 7, 2019 21:08:39 GMT
Without knowing more of your situation, I would say, yes, FA’s typically circle back. Remaining in no contact and focusing on yourself will probably be enough to eventually cause him to reach out. Hopefully he does his work, as he said, so when he does reach out you’re not stuck in the same pattern. I hope you can manage to keep your anxiety low in this period of time and space- good luck
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 7, 2019 21:41:02 GMT
Thank you so much you guys Making the most of my life, yes Love and light to us all <3
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 7, 2019 21:46:56 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may:
Why is no contact important?
Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles?
I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself.
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Post by 8675309 on Apr 7, 2019 22:53:19 GMT
It’s possible, mine has circled several times.
No contact is to reflect, heal and move on. This is for any attachment/relationship that has ended or crush that is unrequited, etc.
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Post by suburbanwizard on Apr 7, 2019 23:00:15 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may: Why is no contact important? Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles? I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself. No contact from my understanding is for a period to give you both time to think, heal and all that. Often 30 days is recommended.
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hola
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by hola on Apr 7, 2019 23:03:45 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may: Why is no contact important? Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles? I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself. My story is I’m FA but he’s way more FA than I am. We’d been getting to know each for 15 months. Contact every day, we exercised together and saw each other 1-4 times a week. In December he mentioned we needed to talk and define the relationship but every time I’d ask when we’d do that there were excuses. Long story short, I got frustrated w/him and I started pulling away. We just stop talking, no big ugly fight. 36 days later, he contacted me apologizing and saying he really missed what we had. He asked if we could try again. That’s the key to NC. Because when an FA ends it, it’s usually because he/she is feeling overwhelmed w/the relationship. You’re getting too close and they need to step away. So when you leave them alone they can process. At first, they’ll feel relieved but if they cared about you they’ll start to miss you. I wrote on here several days ago that I was feeling numb. I had a moment where I thought about bailing. I’m just going to take it one day at a time.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 7, 2019 23:24:58 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may: Why is no contact important? Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles? I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself. candy - No contact is relevant to FA’s bc they have both avoidance AND anxiety in their attachment. That time and space of no contact will usually be enough to increase their anxiety, increase their desire and push them to reach out. The dismissive avoidant is very different. They are highly avoidant without the anxiety- that causes the DA to shut down and it reinforces their belief that they are better off alone, relationships are work, drama and overwhelming. I have an ex DA that I have been initiating contact with for 16 months. He responds and sees me but has only initiated contact maybe 3-4 times in a year and a half. I know him well enough to know that if I didn’t contact him he just would’ve retreated into his shell and embraced isolation- chalking our relationship up to another loss. I asked him recently if I should stop contacting him and he said “No, I make things better.” I told him that sometimes I feel like he’d rather I not contact him and he said he was very sorry I felt that way. When I asked him point blank why he doesn’t initiate he replied “yeah, I don’t know.” So, the conversation didn’t go far bc a shut down DA isn’t in touch their own feelings, let alone open enough to share those feelings. Best not to keep score with a DA regarding contact. Their trust issues run deep, but the FA- they will usually come back. They recognize their desire and need for a partner.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 7, 2019 23:29:22 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may: Why is no contact important? Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles? I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself. My story is I’m FA but he’s way more FA than I am. We’d been getting to know each for 15 months. Contact every day, we exercised together and saw each other 1-4 times a week. In December he mentioned we needed to talk and define the relationship but every time I’d ask when we’d do that there were excuses. Long story short, I got frustrated w/him and I started pulling away. We just stop talking, no big ugly fight. 36 days later, he contacted me apologizing and saying he really missed what we had. He asked if we could try again. That’s the key to NC. Because when an FA ends it, it’s usually because he/she is feeling overwhelmed w/the relationship. You’re getting too close and they need to step away. So when you leave them alone they can process. At first, they’ll feel relieved but if they cared about you they’ll start to miss you. I wrote on here several days ago that I was feeling numb. I had a moment where I thought about bailing. I’m just going to take it one day at a time. hola - I hear ya. One day at a time is my motto as well. Sometimes it’s the best we can do - esp when things are unclear but feelings are deep and we’re not ready to let go.
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Post by 8675309 on Apr 8, 2019 0:33:49 GMT
Oh one more question please if I may: Why is no contact important? Is it only related to FAs or any other kind of relationship and attachment styles? I have done no contact with an ex DA and he never came back. I reached back after nearly 2 years and he was receptive and grateful to clear things up, showed a little bit more awareness but he would have never ever done it himself. No contact from my understanding is for a period to give you both time to think, heal and all that. Often 30 days is recommended. Thats a Youtube dating coach thing and a game play in my opinion unless you both agree on a break to reflect, you're dumped its forever. Or a recommend from a therapist because you are trying to repair so it a mutual understanding taking that time off if your in couples therapy. Good dating coaches will tell you its forever and not a way to get them back, etc, its a move on thing.
No contact is meant to be forever so You heal/reflect/move on, its not about the other person at all and their healing/reflection either, or a time limit, its about yourself moving on with your life, you were dumped.
Unless the dumper reaches out you can talk but if they dont you stay no contact. If Im dumped Im moving on not on a hold out for 30 days, 60 days, etc.
Reaching out after being dumped is an AP thing. You dont have kids, some bills or the like to still take care of there is no reason to contact an ex that dumped you. A reach out is some form of validation/neediness. If the dumper wants you back, they will come.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 8, 2019 0:43:52 GMT
No contact from my understanding is for a period to give you both time to think, heal and all that. Often 30 days is recommended. Thats a Youtube dating coach thing and a game play in my opinion unless you both agree on a break to reflect, you're dumped its forever. Or a recommend from a therapist because you are trying to repair so it a mutual understanding taking that time off if your in couples therapy. Good dating coaches will tell you its forever and not a way to get them back, etc, its a move on thing.
No contact is meant to be forever so You heal/reflect/move on, its not about the other person at all and their healing/reflection either, or a time limit, its about yourself moving on with your life, you were dumped.
Unless the dumper reaches out you can talk but if they dont you stay no contact. If Im dumped Im moving on not on a hold out for 30 days, 60 days, etc.
Reaching out after being dumped is an AP thing. You dont have kids, some bills or the like to still take care of there is no reason to contact an ex that dumped you. A reach out is some form of validation/neediness. If the dumper wants you back, they will come.
8675309 - I think secures at times reach out also if they feel the relationship can be salvaged or repaired. Anxiety def can cause a person reach out in the case of FA or AP, but secures do it for other reasons. The ones who have the easiest time staying no contact I don’t think are secures but DA’s.
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 8, 2019 11:39:11 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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