Back for a bit after a break...finally blocked ex

Hey Kristyrose...I know it took a ton of courage to follow through on that decision.  I haven’t broken free....by my own choice really...but I feel like my situation is different as B doesn’t reach out all that often and other then very occasional pizza/movie get togethers....I don’t hear from him and he isn’t a big poster on FB.  I still don’t attend the community we met at...my choice really.  It is the oddest thing to love someone and be scared of seeing that person.  I have only recently begun to explore that.  B being safe and yet unsafe all at once.  I am sending hugs.

Good! Excellent!

The fact you are aware and eager to move on - means your ready.

Block him on everything. Don't get tempted by his messages and don't fall into the trap when you have urges to reach out to him.

Your grieving right now. But it will get easier with time. Grieve, accept and move on.

Don't settle for less.

Hi kristyrose, glad you've made the right decision for yourself to put yourself first. I had wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry it came to that, but he was giving you what he was comfortable with and it wasn't going to change, so you've done the right thing making the choice to no longer be stuck in limbo!

When I blocked the FA ex who brought me to this board (after we dated for a year), I was still very AP and it was so difficult. It was a really big deal for me, and it took a few months of him contacting me after the breakup to have the strength to tell him I needed more space than he was giving and block him. I missed talking to him about everything, sharing things with him I'd see that I knew he'd like, the companionship, etc. It took about 3-4 more months to start feeling better and maybe start feeling interested in getting to know new guys.

However, what was important about that period really was focusing on myself for the first time instead of him. That was the first big burst of moving towards secure, because I got active rebuilding my life and confidence without him, and I started to examine what parts of my sadness were directly related to missing him versus what was compounded by my attachment issues (ie feeling destroyed because I'd felt abandoned, even though he still wanted to be emotionally intimate friends and I'm the one who cut it off). Doing that as part of the no contact process was huge for me!

It's been 2.5 years since that first breakup, blah blah we eventually tried to get back together but he's still severely FA and panicked shortly thereafter and that was the total end romantically. I didn't need to block him again, though I was upset for another few months after. A lot of this was related to making so much progress working through attachment-related fears, and kind of taking the second breakup as just mourning a relationship failure and the absence of someone I loved in my life, without feeling devastated from projections from my past making it so much worse.

He still contacts me and wants to be friends, and it really doesn't bother me to get messages from him anymore, though I prefer not to see him in person because he still knows how to push my buttons and sometimes triggers me a bit by being a jerk. So, I can trade pleasant messages from a distance and that's fine and not holding me back from anything else in life now.

Stay strong. What you're feeling is normal, and you'll get through it. It's a HUGE step forward for you, and I can't repeat enough that you've done the right thing for yourself at this point in time!

Hey Alexandra!

Nice to "see" you again :-)

I am so glad you found yourself in all of this. I too have been working hard on staying with myself since last Sept when he did the final 2nd break with me and told me didnt want to go on trips anymore or be intimate because it felt like a prison. I was so incredibly hurt and devastated so I slowly started moving away from him in steps. First step I stopped intiating contact, which of course only made him text more, then I started dating again and started focusing only on myself. The final push came when I saw his dating profile, he lied about his age, he used a photo that I had taken of him on our last trip and I just realized how much I did not want him in my life anymore, how much his texts didn't give me the comfort they used to and I suddenly felt so ashamed for having spent time with him post breakup. I sent him a goodbye email with no anger no blame and he texted the next day, but I never opened them. I know he must be shocked at this sudden move, but I don't give anymore F's! It is painful at times, but i feel a tremendous amount of comfort knowing i FINALLY chose ME over him. That is something I am so proud of, I cannot even tell you how much that gives me strength.

Thank you for all of your supportive messages!