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Post by Jeb Kinnison on Sept 24, 2015 20:12:51 GMT
To all my readers:
I have been trying to keep up with comments on my posts and pages, but I see enough people trying to have a conversation through comments that it may be worthwhile to set up a forum for that purpose where people can chat freely without needing my permission.
So feel free to bring your questions and comments here. I will try to answer them, but others may also be useful resources when I'm not able to!
-- Jeb Kinnison
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Post by hkymom on Sept 11, 2016 1:10:17 GMT
Wish I had this info 6 weeks ago when my boyfriend of 2.5 years ( we are both 50, me divorced, him never married) suddenly and recklessly, ended the relationship citing relationship anxiety ( never successful in a longterm relationship, and not good enough for me) I have been in shock for weeks, but now hoping to figure out how to handle getting him to at least explore some of this as a way to better understand why he blew up a really good relationship and hurt a woman he professed to love. Any suggestions  ? |
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katy
Sticky Post Powers
Posts: 147 
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Post by katy on Sept 15, 2016 13:56:53 GMT
I'm sorry about the delay in seeing your question - you might want to move your question to one of the avoidant forums above so that more people see it.
My first suggestions are probably not what you want to hear. Most likely the best route is to learn some more about avoidants and to research No Contact on Narcissistic Abuse Web sites. As you can see from all of the stories that you've read on these forums, once avoidants make the decision to leave, usually they are gone for good. If you do contact him, which is a very normal thing to want to do to fix the situation, it's very likely that he'll be angry, insulting, or very disinterested and rejecting.
I wrote a post a while ago about what seem to be the two typical types of avoidant relationship patterns. The first is the avoidant who does get married and then turns the marriage into a rejecting hell for his or her spouse.
The second pattern seems to be what you've experienced, a seemingly wonderful romance until the avoidant gets triggered and then flips his or her personality. Then the relationship suddenly falls apart. It's absolutely horrible to be suddenly abandoned, but, if you read the stories of marriages to avoidants, that's not a good life either.
There are some avoidants who are aware enough of their issues to be able to discuss them and work with an understanding partner. But, as you'll read, the majority of the avoidants whom people have dealt with just flip into rejecting behavior. It's extremely difficult to understand when you're not wired that way.
I hope that you can get him to understand and begin to communicate, but if that doesn't work out, please know that it wasn't anything that you did and that there's nothing that you can do to fix it.
Best wishes,
Katy
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