hola
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by hola on Jul 24, 2019 20:05:47 GMT
As stated on someone else's post; He texted me again yesterday. It was just a sentiment of "hope you and your little one are enjoying your staycation" I left it alone. I don't even really know what to say. I went on a first date last night. It went really well. I didn't even think about my FA until driving home. Then I felt sad. But my gut is saying this man is not in love with me. He is not capable of loving me. So this is where I am. Thots? Thanks, Jules You don’t need to know what he thinks - it’s how his actions affect YOU that’s important. Someone can love you totally but that’s irrelevant if that comes with inconsistency and poor communication - if consistency and reliability are things you value in relationships. Love means nothing without the ability to act with love and maturity. THIS! Is exactly what we need to understand. Someone can actually care and "love" you. By that I mean they are only capable of giving what they know, and that is what is not acceptable. Thanks Ocarina
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Post by serenity on Jul 24, 2019 23:45:55 GMT
Great you're dating new people Jules!
Keeping looking after yourself, and being true to your feelings.
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Post by mrob on Jul 25, 2019 7:42:44 GMT
As stated on someone else's post; He texted me again yesterday. It was just a sentiment of "hope you and your little one are enjoying your staycation" I left it alone. I don't even really know what to say. I went on a first date last night. It went really well. I didn't even think about my FA until driving home. Then I felt sad. But my gut is saying this man is not in love with me. He is not capable of loving me. So this is where I am. Thots? Thanks, Jules You don’t need to know what he thinks - it’s how his actions affect YOU that’s important. Someone can love you totally but that’s irrelevant if that comes with inconsistency and poor communication - if consistency and reliability are things you value in relationships. Love means nothing without the ability to act with love and maturity. I’d go one step further than that and say that it doesn’t matter what he does, it’s your response to it that matters. You know this is how he is going to be, and you can accept his behaviour or not. If you have trouble trimming your sails, then surely it’s an opportunity to look inward, at why you can’t move on with peace. For what it’s worth, my ex said something similar.... “Sonetimes love just isn’t enough”.
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Jul 25, 2019 11:44:57 GMT
"I'd go one step further than that and say that it doesn’t matter what he does, it’s your response to it that matters. You know this is how he is going to be, and you can accept his behaviour or not. If you have trouble trimming your sails, then surely it’s an opportunity to look inward, at why you can’t move on with peace. For what it’s worth, my ex said something similar.... “Sonetimes love just ain't enough"
Just as I like to be accepted for who I am, I accept who he is and I'm moving on.
He's a good man, excellent father. He was wounded and shaped by happenings out of his control through out his life. I can relate. We all can relate. I am in the stage of my life that my demons don't plague me anymore. I've got to address things daily, and I do. I faulter and fail at times but I keep it moving.
"It's not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them." ~unknown (totally paraphrased)
I dont know if he's aware, or in denial. Shoot, he could be actively working on it. He doesn't let me in. He doesn't want me in. And I'm going to respect his boundaries. I recuse myself because I see a world of hurt coming and I would be an idiot, in my opinion, to stand firm on a collision course.
I have zero ill will for him. Contrarily, I love and respect him. Am grateful for the good times and the lessons. I hope he has peace. I don't want to disrupt his. That said, I am not allowing him to disrupt mine.
Of course if I get sad or lonely at any moment, I can feel entirely different. Thing is I *know feelings are not facts.
Thank you all for continued support and such smarts! This is one of the best boards I've encountered. Such good stuff!!
Jules
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Post by serenity on Jul 26, 2019 3:55:12 GMT
Good on you Jules! You have just a well balanced and graceful attitude, I feel proud of well you've handled such a difficult situation.
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jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Jul 27, 2019 0:41:31 GMT
Thank you.
Today I have felt pretty sad about the situation to be honest. I still have not responded. Afraid it will bring me steps backward. Not what I need to do.
It's all very sad. I was really falling in love. He had become a great confidant. Last night I learnt some thing that bothered me and I really wanted to get his advice but its just not possible. Very sad.
Things will work out exactly as they should. Bon weekend all! Jules
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Post by serenity on Jul 27, 2019 6:03:10 GMT
Hope you're having a nice weekend too Jules.
(hugs) Yeah their withdrawral does really sting for a bit, losing that closeness, and the special attention from someone too. Its hard not to think of their former affection as pretentious and insincere, and to feel anger as well. I remember the hurt so well myself, and that weird twilight zone of knowing time would heal, but everything still sucked and hurt. Someone advised me to focus my positive energy on my friends, having laughs, chatting to new people. That did really speed up the healing process for me... after maybe 2 or 3 months I was starting to feel joyful a lot of the time again.
You are right, things will work out exactly as they should. be well..this is a hard time, but it truly does get a lot better.
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