Fear of Engulfment: Do you relate?

Roger sounds DA to me. I relate to him in that I am very afraid of being controlled because I was controlled as a child, but I don't really behave like him. Someone wanting something from me doesn't always automatically make me resist. I might have a flash of engulfment anxiety, but the things that make me really feel resistant are things I genuinely don't want to do and would only be doing for my partner and it feels like my partner is more or less demanding I do them and on his schedule "or else". If instead he was to just make it clear that these things were things that would make him happy but I had the sense that the decision would be left up to me and he would be wiling to compromise and/or let me do the thing in my own time, then I would be much less resistant. Because I do really want to make him happy. But I also really don't want to be controlled and solely doing certain things under the threat of him being angry/upset. I have spent way too much time in my life only doing things because I was afraid of other people's anger.

I do remember growing up being resistant to doing chores and being nagged to do them making me want to do them much less because, "Now mom will think I only cleaned my room because she nagged me to."