Post by aspera on Sept 23, 2017 2:34:05 GMT
I am with someone only for 3 months, but we have been friends for more than 5 years.
When we were friends, it was not obvious to me that she is a DA. Now that I am in a relationship with her, I realized that there were signs. For example, there were times when I really needed help but she kept silence and turned away. I was hurt but understood because we were friends at the time and I thought people are all busy with their lives.
She was very warm and lovely when we were between friendship and relationship. For both of us, it's the first time ever that we were in a relationship with a woman. At first, both of us saw it as a new way to explore and we cared about one and other.
Things quickly changed once we started seriously dating. She constantly mentioned about her ex --someone who didn't like her but was with her on and off for more than 6 years. She lamented how good he was. I was very confused because I saw her suffered for years when she was in that relationship (which ended almost 2 years ago). She started criticizing me: my dress, my made-up, my hair, the way I talk....Then she explained that it's only people she closed to she would do so.
She also said she doesn't like being touched or touch other people. She stopped having any intimacy with me. Refuse sex. Even though we are in the same city, I only see her once a week. She used to reply message in a timely manner and now she rarely replied. All the distancing strategies that you probably know.
I was very hurt and confused. I started to read and research on DA. We have discussions on this topic and she adimitted that she couldn't love someone who is emotional available. However, she doesn't think this is a problem at all. She said as long as I pursue her and she responds, things will work.
I had an emotional breakdown in front of her a couple weeks ago, partly because of her behaviors and partly because of other stressful events in my life. She was very nice and drove me home. Once we were in the parking lot, she said so many hurtful things that I never expected. She told me that she doesn't need me and she doesn't like me. And I'd better see this earlier rather than later. However, she did have warmest and sincere moments that I know she cares and loves me. It's very difficult to understand these disconnections.
I've talked to a number of my friends. All of them urged me to leave her. However, it's easier said than done. I do care about her and love her very much. Although I understand I won't be able to cope with all of these long term, I still wanted to give a try...
When we were friends, it was not obvious to me that she is a DA. Now that I am in a relationship with her, I realized that there were signs. For example, there were times when I really needed help but she kept silence and turned away. I was hurt but understood because we were friends at the time and I thought people are all busy with their lives.
She was very warm and lovely when we were between friendship and relationship. For both of us, it's the first time ever that we were in a relationship with a woman. At first, both of us saw it as a new way to explore and we cared about one and other.
Things quickly changed once we started seriously dating. She constantly mentioned about her ex --someone who didn't like her but was with her on and off for more than 6 years. She lamented how good he was. I was very confused because I saw her suffered for years when she was in that relationship (which ended almost 2 years ago). She started criticizing me: my dress, my made-up, my hair, the way I talk....Then she explained that it's only people she closed to she would do so.
She also said she doesn't like being touched or touch other people. She stopped having any intimacy with me. Refuse sex. Even though we are in the same city, I only see her once a week. She used to reply message in a timely manner and now she rarely replied. All the distancing strategies that you probably know.
I was very hurt and confused. I started to read and research on DA. We have discussions on this topic and she adimitted that she couldn't love someone who is emotional available. However, she doesn't think this is a problem at all. She said as long as I pursue her and she responds, things will work.
I had an emotional breakdown in front of her a couple weeks ago, partly because of her behaviors and partly because of other stressful events in my life. She was very nice and drove me home. Once we were in the parking lot, she said so many hurtful things that I never expected. She told me that she doesn't need me and she doesn't like me. And I'd better see this earlier rather than later. However, she did have warmest and sincere moments that I know she cares and loves me. It's very difficult to understand these disconnections.
I've talked to a number of my friends. All of them urged me to leave her. However, it's easier said than done. I do care about her and love her very much. Although I understand I won't be able to cope with all of these long term, I still wanted to give a try...
