Post by flowerpoww on Dec 20, 2017 16:06:48 GMT
This question I think can apply to dismissive or fearful. The avoidant I know is fearful with me but dismissive with the other women in his life who he considers himself to be above. Have any of you noticed a pattern where the Avoidant gets weird when something good happens in your life, such as a career advancement or anything that might put you above them in some way?
Some examples of this that I experienced would be education, for instance. My avoidant was educated and doing well in his career but he was also much older than I am and adjusting for age I guess I could be considered more accomplished than he is. I got a Master's from a competitive school and I am much farther along in my career then he was at my age.
He would always either ignore, withdraw, or make sarcastic remarks...
- When I hit important milestones in my career. I work in design and music and I was able able to go in tour with one of his favorite artists for a few months. I would send him photos and videos thinking that he would be appreciative and excited for me but I was always met with silence. He never wanted to talk about it.
- Whenever I would connect with heavy hitters in my field for dinners or mentorship opportunities, he would later on bring it up in a sarcastic way and throw it back in my face. "Well why don't you get one of your connections to help you, you don't need me!"
- I put a down-payment on a piece of property which is a big deal in my city considering how expensive it is. He still rents as do most people in my city who aren't millionaires do. He was never able to congratulate me or be happy about it. I saved for years and came from nothing, I wanted it to be an accomplishment for us but crickets.
- he also seemed very insecure about some of my friends, both casual and long-term. If they are male and they have some sort of success he starts criticizing them but pretends he's coming from the perspective of being protective.
- he has confessed to me that I am the most attractive person that has ever been interested in him and he feels I am out of his league. He has only been able to do this when he is in one of those rare moods where he can open up to me. But other times he will make it a point to cut me down about my hair or my outfit and do little things that I know are him trying to make me insecure about my body. All the other women he deals with are objectively unattractive and way below his league in pretty much every way. He does not do the push-pull dance with them but he will for me. So it seems that he can only handle being around people that he feels superior to.
Does anyone else experience these patterns of behavior with the avoidant they know? Please share.
Some examples of this that I experienced would be education, for instance. My avoidant was educated and doing well in his career but he was also much older than I am and adjusting for age I guess I could be considered more accomplished than he is. I got a Master's from a competitive school and I am much farther along in my career then he was at my age.
He would always either ignore, withdraw, or make sarcastic remarks...
- When I hit important milestones in my career. I work in design and music and I was able able to go in tour with one of his favorite artists for a few months. I would send him photos and videos thinking that he would be appreciative and excited for me but I was always met with silence. He never wanted to talk about it.
- Whenever I would connect with heavy hitters in my field for dinners or mentorship opportunities, he would later on bring it up in a sarcastic way and throw it back in my face. "Well why don't you get one of your connections to help you, you don't need me!"
- I put a down-payment on a piece of property which is a big deal in my city considering how expensive it is. He still rents as do most people in my city who aren't millionaires do. He was never able to congratulate me or be happy about it. I saved for years and came from nothing, I wanted it to be an accomplishment for us but crickets.
- he also seemed very insecure about some of my friends, both casual and long-term. If they are male and they have some sort of success he starts criticizing them but pretends he's coming from the perspective of being protective.
- he has confessed to me that I am the most attractive person that has ever been interested in him and he feels I am out of his league. He has only been able to do this when he is in one of those rare moods where he can open up to me. But other times he will make it a point to cut me down about my hair or my outfit and do little things that I know are him trying to make me insecure about my body. All the other women he deals with are objectively unattractive and way below his league in pretty much every way. He does not do the push-pull dance with them but he will for me. So it seems that he can only handle being around people that he feels superior to.
Does anyone else experience these patterns of behavior with the avoidant they know? Please share.
