damascena
New Member
pregnant, alone and deceived.
Posts: 40
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Post by damascena on Dec 26, 2017 20:48:43 GMT
Due to personal issues I need to take a lot more time out for myself for the next couple of weeks. I have to reschedule an upcoming date with my Avoidant boyfriend and see him a little bit less for a few weeks. He is used to me being very reliable and true to my word and pretty available.
How is an Avoidant likely to respond to me pulling back and having to reschedule our next date?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2017 21:50:42 GMT
I think it might depend if he is FA or DA. I am DA and very low on the anxiety scale. I have no problem with my partner taking time for himself. From what I have read on this forum, FAs are quite different and they are on the high end of the anxiety scale. FAs seem to vacillate between avoidance and anxiety, so it could be quite different for an FA.
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damascena
New Member
pregnant, alone and deceived.
Posts: 40
|
Post by damascena on Dec 26, 2017 22:36:54 GMT
I think it might depend if he is FA or DA. I am DA and very low on the anxiety scale. I have no problem with my partner taking time for himself. From what I have read on this forum, FAs are quite different and they are on the high end of the anxiety scale. FAs seem to vacillate between avoidance and anxiety, so it could be quite different for an FA. I am not sure whether my boyfriend is FA or DA. His natural tendency is to pull away and push everyone away when is stressed or feeling very vulnerable. However, he is quite insecure about lots of things and he can be open with me about his insecurities (it took time for him to trust me enough to share though). He is capable of being very emotionally intimate and vulnerable as long as he is given space and feels safe. His relationship history shows he has a tendency to be in fairly lengthy, serious relationships. He was married for a number of years and was also previously in a live-in relationship. His last serious relationship (the live in partner) ended about 2.5 years ago and it sounds as though she really smothered him (he was not allowed to go out with friends unless she was there, she could not cope with him spending even one night away from her) and he seems a little bit traumatised by this still. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2017 23:46:25 GMT
I think it might depend if he is FA or DA. I am DA and very low on the anxiety scale. I have no problem with my partner taking time for himself. From what I have read on this forum, FAs are quite different and they are on the high end of the anxiety scale. FAs seem to vacillate between avoidance and anxiety, so it could be quite different for an FA. I am not sure whether my boyfriend is FA or DA. His natural tendency is to pull away and push everyone away when is stressed or feeling very vulnerable. However, he is quite insecure about lots of things and he can be open with me about his insecurities (it took time for him to trust me enough to share though). He is capable of being very emotionally intimate and vulnerable as long as he is given space and feels safe. His relationship history shows he has a tendency to be in fairly lengthy, serious relationships. He was married for a number of years and was also previously in a live-in relationship. His last serious relationship (the live in partner) ended about 2.5 years ago and it sounds as though she really smothered him (he was not allowed to go out with friends unless she was there, she could not cope with him spending even one night away from her) and he seems a little bit traumatised by this still. My quick and unreliable analysis would say he's DA. I am DA and I don't have a push phase, meaning I am never in pursuit mode. It's either standing still or pulling away. From what I have read on these forums, it seems FAs will have a high anxiety phase, so when their partner pulls away, they become anxious and push/pursue (fearful that their partner is abandoning). |
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