|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 23, 2018 12:27:03 GMT
There are actually two reasons I have chosen not to use "my ex"...first he was never "mine" and I think it can be very confusing to our brains to keep referring to a person under a label that can come across like a possession (like "my home", "my car" etc) and can actually keep us viewing the person as somehow connected to us. The second is that I personally feel it does not necessarily honor the guy I was dating as an autonomous person. He is fully his own person and I know that for DAs and FAs who felt smothered/not respected for being who they are individually as children, this type of label can potentially be triggering. So out of respect for B, I want to always respect his "separateness", especially since we are no longer dating.
Obviously, it is a personal decision how you frame the wording regarding the person you were dating..but I have found it beneficial to change the phrasing to "the guy I dated".
|
|
flic
Full Member
Posts: 119
|
Post by flic on May 23, 2018 23:00:22 GMT
I actually noticed you used this phrase in a reply to my post. I struggle with writing 'my ex' too - for the same reasons as you, but sometimes i feel using his first initial is too personal for a public forum.
the problem i have with 'guy i dated' is that we lived together and talked about getting married and having children. 'Guy i dated' feels really superficial in that context - I've 'dated' many guys, and D was much more than that. He was, for a time, my partner, my best friend, my confidante and the greatest love i've known to-date.
But I agree with you on the 'ex' point... Maybe the initial is the way to go after all.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 24, 2018 2:18:04 GMT
I actually noticed you used this phrase in a reply to my post. I struggle with writing 'my ex' too - for the same reasons as you, but sometimes i feel using his first initial is too personal for a public forum. the problem i have with 'guy i dated' is that we lived together and talked about getting married and having children. 'Guy i dated' feels really superficial in that context - I've 'dated' many guys, and D was much more than that. He was, for a time, my partner, my best friend, my confidante and the greatest love i've known to-date. But I agree with you on the 'ex' point... Maybe the initial is the way to go after all. I understand....B actually is more than a "guy I dated" too. The thing is....regardless of how special B is to me, the "relationship" ( in context of what we shared) is in the past...which is why, I use his initial or "guy I dated", in part to try to move my heart forward towards being open to someone new. But I am totally tracking with you on how superficial it sounds. |
|
|
|
Post by ocarina on May 24, 2018 20:29:41 GMT
There are actually two reasons I have chosen not to use "my ex"...first he was never "mine" and I think it can be very confusing to our brains to keep referring to a person under a label that can come across like a possession (like "my home", "my car" etc) and can actually keep us viewing the person as somehow connected to us. The second is that I personally feel it does not necessarily honor the guy I was dating as an autonomous person. He is fully his own person and I know that for DAs and FAs who felt smothered/not respected for being who they are individually as children, this type of label can potentially be triggering. So out of respect for B, I want to always respect his "separateness", especially since we are no longer dating. Obviously, it is a personal decision how you frame the wording regarding the person you were dating..but I have found it beneficial to change the phrasing to "the guy I dated". One of the things I really admire about you TNr9 is that you never ever complain about/ speak down about or criticise B - that takes a big heart and some real self knowledge. Just sayin....... |
|
