Post by rcuthbr on May 25, 2018 12:29:33 GMT
So I was dating a FA for two months (just broke up). We first went on a date that went extremely great but she told me right after that she wanted to see what was happening with another guy. I was quite hurt(I’m and AP) but a couple weeks later we talked and she said she really likes me so we started dating again.
Here is when the FA tendencies started to appear. She started telling me that she wanted to slow down because she realized how scared she was of commitment and it started to give her anxiety. She did have a bad childhood(Mom kept leaving and coming back). The relationship started becoming completely one side, meaning I had to do all the pursuing and it took a lot of work just to see her a few times a week. Eventually I told her I really needed to talk to her, which she said gave her a lot of anxiety.
I talked to her about how unhappy I was becoming about how slow things were going and she said she understood. She allowed me to make things official with her which made me very happy...for a little bit. She said she would start making me more of a priority which she did for like a week. Then it went back to how it was before, me pursuing with her holding back. I eventually was wondering if she actually cared so I decided not to contact her for a couple days to she what she would do. She eventually sent me a text that she was checking up on me which made me feel less anxious and that she really cared. Unfortunately nothing really changed and eventually she started taking forever to respond to texts and when she did, they were very short responses.
Eventually she told me we needed to talk, which I had a bad feeling about what it was about. She told me how great of a guy I was but she felt like something was missing. She said she didn’t feel anything when we kissed and how she could go five days without seeing me and be ok. But then she said how hard it would be on her to see me with another woman. That made absolutely no sense to me.
I told her that this is it and that I would never date her again(said this more out of anger). When I said this, it was almost as if she had second thoughts. Went say in silence for three minutes and then she blurted out “I don’t know what to do! This is so finalized”. We then sat in silence for five minutes before I decided to leave, telling her I still cared for her but it’s not happening again.
To give you more context, I’m 21 and she is 27. The only other relationship she had was in high school for three months. Do you think that she really didn’t want a relationship with me anymore or is this because she is a FA.
Please be honest with me, I need the truth
Here is when the FA tendencies started to appear. She started telling me that she wanted to slow down because she realized how scared she was of commitment and it started to give her anxiety. She did have a bad childhood(Mom kept leaving and coming back). The relationship started becoming completely one side, meaning I had to do all the pursuing and it took a lot of work just to see her a few times a week. Eventually I told her I really needed to talk to her, which she said gave her a lot of anxiety.
I talked to her about how unhappy I was becoming about how slow things were going and she said she understood. She allowed me to make things official with her which made me very happy...for a little bit. She said she would start making me more of a priority which she did for like a week. Then it went back to how it was before, me pursuing with her holding back. I eventually was wondering if she actually cared so I decided not to contact her for a couple days to she what she would do. She eventually sent me a text that she was checking up on me which made me feel less anxious and that she really cared. Unfortunately nothing really changed and eventually she started taking forever to respond to texts and when she did, they were very short responses.
Eventually she told me we needed to talk, which I had a bad feeling about what it was about. She told me how great of a guy I was but she felt like something was missing. She said she didn’t feel anything when we kissed and how she could go five days without seeing me and be ok. But then she said how hard it would be on her to see me with another woman. That made absolutely no sense to me.
I told her that this is it and that I would never date her again(said this more out of anger). When I said this, it was almost as if she had second thoughts. Went say in silence for three minutes and then she blurted out “I don’t know what to do! This is so finalized”. We then sat in silence for five minutes before I decided to leave, telling her I still cared for her but it’s not happening again.
To give you more context, I’m 21 and she is 27. The only other relationship she had was in high school for three months. Do you think that she really didn’t want a relationship with me anymore or is this because she is a FA.
Please be honest with me, I need the truth
. At this point, if I were in your shoes...I would focus on really getting clear about what I want in a relationship and finding someone who can partner with me (meaning you). AsAPs we tend to have a harder time truly letting go in love and moving on...but I don't think you could have done anything different. Good luck.