katy
Sticky Post Powers
Posts: 147 
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Post by katy on Dec 26, 2016 0:16:46 GMT
Jen,
I'm sorry - this isn't the news that you need on Christmas. Did he actually lie about where he was going? That would be pretty high on the deal-breaking continuum for me.
I wish you courage and serenity as you figure out what to do.
Katy |
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Post by Jen on Dec 26, 2016 1:09:25 GMT
No he didn't lie. I knew what he was going to do. But he never sent a text to say happy Christmas or thank me for my present. He has never not done that before. He has wifi in his cottage, and the city is full of it. It was 5.30 in evening when he posted on FB.
i think it's very bad manners, and I feel devalued. Or is it me?
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katy
Sticky Post Powers
Posts: 147
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Post by katy on Dec 26, 2016 2:10:12 GMT
I personally think that because you are his long-term girlfriend, contacting you should have been a priority above his posting on Facebook But, as so many people on this site have recounted, dismissive avoidants often have very withholding behaviors which make their partners feel very demeaned and ignored.
If this is a one-time event, then maybe he got forgetful and over-whelmed with holiday activities. Once in a while people can inadvertently do things that end up being hurtful to their partners. If he's sincerely sorry, then you would expect that he would sincerely apologize when finds out that he hurt your feelings.
If there is a pattern of you feeling demeaned in spite of your telling him that his behavior upsets you, then you have to decide how you want to live the rest of your life.
Best wishes,
Katy |
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Post by gaynxious on Apr 21, 2017 3:54:46 GMT
Just found out my avoidant ex of 10 years is already single after only two months with his new bf. Can't help but take some satisfaction. Having difficulty not trying to find out who dumped who and why. Guess I'm still wanting further confirmation he is avoidant and possibly hoping someday he will realize I am right.
Definitely not hoping he comes back. I have really gotten in touch with how unsatisfied I was throughoutthe relationship and how hellishly awful the last year was. Also my self esteem is much higher and I am slowly becoming an earned secure.
Does anyone else struggle with keeping out of your avoidant exes love life?
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Post by HowPredictable1 on Apr 21, 2017 19:38:29 GMT
Guess I'm still wanting further confirmation he is avoidant and possibly hoping someday he will realize I am right. Definitely not hoping he comes back.... Does anyone else struggle with keeping out of your avoidant exes love life? Hi gaynxious. Of course we all struggle, and of course we all want to be validated in our theory that they are Avoidant. If we are honest with ourselves, most of us also want them to go on to lead unhappy, miserable lives because we are hurt and would like to see them suffer. We take pleasure in seeing them not succeed with the next person.
And I will give you the standard reply to your question, and I'm going to be blunt....while recognizing that my advice is immensely hard to following in real-life (and I don't always succeed, myself):
Please do your best to not make inquiries, or dig dirt on who-ended-with-whom. No good will come of this. It will just keep you voluntarily re-victimized by the chaos and inner workings of your Ex partner's problems, only this time it will be from a slightly greater distance where there's a lot of room for you to speculate, project, and engage in grass-is-greener thinking.
Ten years is a helluva long time to be with someone who didn't give you what you needed. I'm sorry for the outcome. I stayed 3.5 years and am kicking myself for not leaving WAAAAY sooner.
But now it's time to cut our losses and take self-preventive steps. There's no prize for staying invested longer than anyone else your Ex chooses to mess with. The headspace you're using up to confirm an amateur diagnosis of Avoidant behaviour, and to watch his relationships go up in flames, is only serving to keep you stuck. It's still not healthy. It's time to focus on you.
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