Post break up interactions with dismissive

I would say this is a good thing and it means you have processed the breakup both consciously and subconsciously and though you may still be grieving you have accepted it. Take comfort and relief in the fact that you don't have to deal with this behaviour anymore, and perhaps it can make you feel better knowing that this is his behaviour and nothing to do with you.

I remember when I finally ended with an ex narcissist (years ago), it took forever to process and internalise everything I'd learned about narcissism but when I finally did, I remember the relief I felt if I would get some random crazy message from him - I could read it like I would read an example in a narcissist book and think, wow, textbook, rather than feel there was anything personal at all.

Thanks for that Lily, you are absolutely right. I'm not doing myself any favours by keeping it alive in my head. Just makes me so angry, that he sought me out, pursued me the whoooosh, gone. I think deep down he does want it, and I think when he asked me to go away with him, he did mean it, and when he talks about wanting to be married, he wants that. I suppose he just doesn't have the tools to ever make it happen. Like an analogy I read somewhere- a person in a wheelchair who's biggest dream is running a marathon, they may be able to stand up out of the wheelchair and take a few steps, but the marathon ain't gonna happen.
I guess it's a spectrum as well, as we can see on here, dismissives can have relationships but the one thing they seem to have in common is self-awareness, which is one thing I don't think my guy has. Keeping in contact is not going to give him some sort of epiphany, and I need to keep telling myself that.

Good luck to you on your healing journey...is sucks because we never asked to be put here!

I was just thinking about it - the first time he got in touch with me. We went out on our date, had a fabulous time. He texted me from the taxi after having dropped me off at home saying what a wonderful night etc etc hopefully see you soon. He called me the next day, I was going on holiday that day. We'd been discussing the best way to get to the airport as there were major traffic problems, anyway, when I finally got to the airport, I sent a text saying it had taken over three hours to get there and I had almost missed the flight. No response. Then I texted him mid-way through the week just to say I was having a nice time, sitting on my balcony watching some beach disco that looked weird...anyway, again, no response. So I was thinking WTF? Then a few days after I got back I got a message saying, are you back? how was your holiday? It was really weird. I thought maybe he hadn't got my messages but then the next time I saw him he referred to the 3 hours getting to the airport. I spent the holiday anxious because I didn't know where I stood, even though there was every indication after the date and initial follow-up that he really liked me. And then I felt like an idiot for being anxious after just one date. It wasn't normal. The whole thing wore me down.

Yes we should start a support group!

So he showed up today to get keys so he could watch my cat while I am gone and he made this stupid smile he used to always make when he was happy to see me. He looked down at the ground a lot to hide it. Every time we have run into each other he has basically pretended not to see me. Is this just a programmed response? I've never had an ex before so I'm not sure what to expect I just assumed as an avoidant he would not feel any positive feelings for me anymore. I know I shouldn't care regardless but it has thrown me off balance.

My ex seems to be putting off meeting to go over the divorce paperwork. I'd like to get everything filed before the end of the year and he will be out of town for ten days so we need to get started. Why would he put this off? He's the one that wants the divorce! I would think he'd be appreciative to cut as many ties as possible to no longer be associated with me.

Hi Rose - sorry to hear you're struggling. I totally understand how talking about this with someone who is right there with you - or has been there - is very helpful. These forums have been a godsend. I'm glad they're offering you some solace.

Feel free to PM me if you're more comfortable to chat privately. Otherwise - we're all here for you.

Text him if you want. What he thinks no longer matters. Just be prepared for no response, which it sounds like you have.