Can FAs and DAs form healthy relationships?

So my recent ex is an Avoidant and I'm going to ramble a bit about him first.  When I finally read about attachment types in this past week it was all super eye opening for me, and helped me understand our relationship so much more.  We initially bonded quickly and thought we wanted the same things out of life, which turned out to be very false.  I want love and a deep connection.  I'm still a little confused about what it is avoidants want, someone they can keep at a distance but also feel like they aren't alone?  He said I'm the girlfriend that he has opened up to the most and felt most comfortable being himself around.  He wasn't used to actually being able to talk about his interests.  I asked him if that isn't what he wants for his future relationship (not with me), to open up more and truly be himself, and he said not really.  He doesn't want deep emotional connection or to discuss feelings.  He doesn't cry, always had a hard time when I was crying, and it definitely didn't help that I was crying because he was keeping me so far from him.  He said whenever I cried it reminded him of his Mom crying when he was younger.  His dad was abusive and his mom was always sad so he didn't get love and care growing up.  He said that growing up the only way he ever knew how to make people laugh was by annoying them, so thats what he still does now.  Whenever I would try to say that the way he would say things to me was hurtful he would say "this is the way I am."  But whenever I was sad and not communicative  he was really good about checking in with my feelings, he seemed eager to want to work on things, though nothing really changed after all.  Our fights tended to be productive in the same way, he was good at listening to my emotions, with some coaxing he would talk a little about his, we both wanted things to work.  But then every time I felt things were going really well and I was feeling secure he would pull away again.  It was also hard to get him to experience things with me.  He would love to talk about his own interests and was excited to have to watch shows and movies he liked and wanted to see.  But if it was something I was interested in he wouldn't really care.  If he did tag along to something for my sake he would make sure I knew he didn't want to be there and was only there for me.  I could hardly get him to go out with me, I felt like there were always excuses.  I couldn't get him to go out on Friday nights past 10pm, but as soon as we broke up he got back in touch with a friend and was staying out until 7am.  He didn't understand how that was hurtful to me.  He started talking to girls right away after we broke up, he is texting all the time, when we dating he told me he hated texting.  I asked about all the girls he is talking to, and he says it's nothing, he's just trying to see what is out there and he doesn't feel connected to them.  Which obviously I believe, it's still frustrating for me to see.  (I still live with him and prefer honestly because I know when he isn't telling me things, I will move out soon and then can go NC.)  He can be sentimental, he held on to a nice letter that I wrote him. He has some things from his grandma who died that are very important to him.


I thought it was relevant to talk about him first because based off of what I've experienced with him I believe he is just extremely hurt from his childhood trauma, and I wonder if he could heal and find love.  (Not with me, I'm still working on getting over everything, but ultimately I know we aren't right for each other.)

Basically I'm wondering if most FAs and DAs need healing and *could* become secure attachers.  Or is there a thin line between avoidants and sociopaths, and for some avoidants this really is just the way their brains work?  What kind of a healthy relationship could avoidants even have?  And with what kind of person?  I like to think of myself as secure but man was I anxious during this relationship.  So it seems obvious to me that neither Secure nor Anxious would work.  I can't imagine him being ok with another avoidant either because he does like attention but only on his terms.  Unless he found someone with very similar terms and they were willing to work together. 


I'm such a deeply feeling person that it is hard for me to wrap my head around someone who doesn't have deep emotions or want meaningful connection.  In the case of my ex I feel like he put a wall around his emotions because that was the only way he knew how to continue functioning.  I do see some desire for connection in him, and he has this attitude of being unapologetically him, yet he doesn't feel he can be his true self around anyone because he doesn't trust anyone.

And I realize this all reeks of me wanting to "fix" him, I'm aware that I need to wash my hands clean and let him help himself.  But I guess that is more my question, does he, and do avoidants in general, need to help themselves?  Or can they be happy and healthy the way they're living now?

This was a little extra rambling than I intended, so if you read this thank you!
I appreciate any insight