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Post by tnr9 on Jun 24, 2018 16:23:44 GMT
I have been curious as to whether the root difference between someone with FA attachment and DA attachment is tied back to whether the person developed a sense of self that is negative or positive. It would make sense that someone who has a negative self esteem would employ different behaviors in a relationship then someone who has high self esteem..thus the "distancing" would be utilized for different reasons. If any one has thoughts on this..I would love to hear from you.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2018 16:33:31 GMT
i think so. this difference in relationship to self seems to be the underpinning of all the ways i simply cannot relate to FA.
it's been irritating for me to read FA perspectives on DA on this board, because it's so unrelatable and i believe it comes from that difference. i'll be reading the perspective of what DA is supposedly thinking or believing about themselves and i'll be saying to myself "what the ?!"
it truly is a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.
i've decided not to address it because it's so pervasive and the posters sound so self assured about their interpretations, why address it. that's how i feel about this entire board. everyone has us figured out lol. and they are so wrong.
anyway, to your original question. yes.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 24, 2018 16:37:50 GMT
Thank you Juniper....I appreciate your insight.š
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Post by mistakes on Jun 25, 2018 5:00:00 GMT
I thought it was about self esteem too, but there are discussions about having different attachment style with different relationships, I guess now I donāt get it...
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Post by mrob on Jun 25, 2018 5:56:59 GMT
Irritated, juniper, that says it all. Thatās a difference. Iāve come here after a ānon relationshipā where I did the full circle. I read the FA definition and I fit the bill. Iād rather not, but Iām glad Iām not the crazy, soulless man society, and I would paint me to be judging by my behaviour. I went in full on. When things got full on, I felt engulfed. I distanced in all the ways APs complain about. I had a hard time reconnecting, believing I could not give her what she wanted. Rinse and repeat until we were both screwed up. Eventually break up and feel relieved. Miss her really badly. Try to reconnect. In my case, she had found someone far more stable, so the Avenue wasnāt open. Sheās probably lucky, because that could be the story again and again, as posted here over and over again. I canāt guarantee I wonāt be triggered and do some variant of that again. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Jul 19, 2018 11:23:27 GMT
"I went in full on.
When things got full on, I felt engulfed.
I distanced in all the ways APs complain about.
I had a hard time reconnecting, believing I could not give her what she wanted.
Rinse and repeat until we were both screwed up.
Eventually break up and feel relieved.
Miss her really badly.
Try to reconnect."
Absolutely the same for me. Story of my most recent traumatic break up right there. It's maddening and self defeatingand the grieving period afterwards is horrific.
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Post by gaynxious on Jul 19, 2018 20:56:27 GMT
What do you think this difference causes in the distancing strategies? What about self esteem changes the strategy to get distance?
Iām curious because I am trying to understand someone that is extremely anxious but might also be FA just so anxious itās not apparent. His self esteem is difficult to describe. Very confident, thinks heās godās gift to gay men, can do just about anything he sets his mind to, thinks everyone should want to be more like him. At the same time he views himself as a villain and a bad person, struggles with thinking of himself as evil and has accepted that he is unlikeble to most people and just accepts it as part of who he is. And at some level he knows he sucks at relationships but desperately wants one to last.
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Post by cspragu on Aug 10, 2018 16:37:02 GMT
"I went in full on. When things got full on, I felt engulfed. I distanced in all the ways APs complain about. I had a hard time reconnecting, believing I could not give her what she wanted. Rinse and repeat until we were both screwed up. Eventually break up and feel relieved. Miss her really badly. Try to reconnect." Absolutely the same for me. Story of my most recent traumatic break up right there. It's maddening and self defeatingand the grieving period afterwards is horrific. How long do you usually keep your distance before trying to reconnect? Do you reach out at all in between the breakup and the move to rekindle? Is it normal to go a week or more without trying to talk to the ex? |
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