Accepting what is - the paradoxial change method

www.depressionarmy.com/ourblog/2017/7/23/review-the-happiness-trap


A book called The Happiness Track explains this brilliantly. Avoiding unhappiness is at the root of our block to real happiness for most of us - and yet we get stuck in the hampster wheel of trying to feel better - stuck in unhealthy relationships, compulsive behaviours etc - once we accept where we are now, we can begin to make change conciously rather than reactively.

Going back to the original thread here, how has this worked for people?

The paradoxical change technique

is, in short, that you are in favor of what is right now. For example, you accept yourself, your thoughts, reactions, and feelings as they are in this second, whether positive, negative, or neutral!
It is perceived as self-love and increases your self-esteem and foundation.
So when you stand by yourself, you get more strength!
From here, the negative things have the opportunity to change, and they will typically do so.

We think, to escape our feelings. If you want to stop thinking and return to Presence, then feel your feelings - Leonard Jacobson

Positive thinking and self-esteem

Positive psychology has crowned days at present. We must think positively - also about the negative things! At least there are many who believe.
If you've seen the movie The Secret, you hardly dare think and then don't even feel a touch of negativity. Because then that's what you attract more of….
It is excellent to look at the positive!
Who would rather not feel the light, bright and delicious vibrations from positive thoughts and emotions - than the heavier, dark, almost sticky ones?

Polarity, wholeness and self-esteem

But, but: The problem is that the positive is only one half of the whole. The other part is negative. It belongs to the whole.
If you MUST think positively - and have it negative - it will drain your self-esteem. Because then you're in Burde-land.
If you focus solely on one pole then you create imbalance in mind and body! You create a state of tension if the negative is kept away from consciousness, but still exists in the unconscious.
This creates an imbalance that over time can create poor self-esteem and negative emotional outbreaks (the positive bubble / illusion bursts), stress, depression or even physical symptoms such as headaches and other kind of pain.

Do a little exercise right now:

Think of something that happened once that was negative for you. Choose something that is manageable. If the scale goes from 1-10, where 10 is the most negative, then choose something from 5-6

Them think positively about this incident. Think really positive and positive and positive! Give all your attention and energy to think positively if it happened
Now notice your feelings, your mood

Then do this exercise:

Think of the same incident
Ask yourself, “How has this strengthened me? How has this affected my abilities and choices so that I can better give what I give to the world today? How has this helped me to have the resources I have today? What has this taught me? "
What do you notice now? What mood does this give you?

How to get into your center and rest in yourself

Negative emotions indicate that your perception of the situation is inadequate, that you do not see the whole picture. This applies to a great extent in the relationship, where one often forgets to see things from the other's perspective.
Stop! Of course, I recognize your grief, anger and pain when you have experienced difficult things!
Here you have a way to handle these negative feelings, experiences and thoughts:

The first step is that you allow yourself to feel your feelings. That you use the paradoxical change method. Directly to the feeling, the thought or the reaction - just inside yourself:

"It's ok, you are allowed to be here right now"
The next step is to see the whole picture.
Perhaps you usually compare the situation with how you think it should be.
Or maybe you have just learned to focus on the positive. You can therefore ignore the things that are actually negative and may require you to act on them.

By allowing you BOTH the negative and positive aspects - then you can enter your center, where you are in balance and can have the greatest strength, self-esteem and love!