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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2018 22:28:18 GMT
Hello,
Just joined and wondered if anyone should shed some insight.
(I thought I was AP but recently realised I may actually be FA, but there's a lot more to it....)
I was dumped by a Ex FA/DA (well not exactly dumped but took it as that as reasoning for lack of intimacy was due to a difference that he countered at the start)
Well, the ex has since stopped posting o social media (I don't think I'm actually blocked...).
Well. my question is (apologies for any lateness)
if my ex stated subtly that maybe we could be (just) friends and then has cut himself from social medie ... is that real / true??
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 11, 2018 23:20:05 GMT
Welcome to the forum...I don't think the two activities...1. His stopping of posting on social,media and 2. His suggesting possibly being friends are related. The real question is..do you want to be friends because friendship is oftentimes not a doorway back to the relationship.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2018 7:41:00 GMT
Thanks for your response tnr9
I believe I have been restricted, which I presume is a distancing behaviour...which is incredibly painful from where I am (bits of AP / FA but moving nearer to Secure following years of personal effort, genuinely offering the help I never received to do so but resulting in this).
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 12, 2018 12:18:20 GMT
Are you certain that you have been restricted? The reason I ask is that I too thought I had been restricted at one point because I was not seeing any posting from B and he used to post a lot. I asked a mutual friend to compare what he saw versus what I saw and it was the same so my fear was unfounded. I completely understand the "thought process"...in the lack of information, it is too easy to believe that his actions are tied back to you....but that may not be the case. He may be taking a break from social media. I know it is very easy to look at his behaviors and question them...but the way towards healing is to look at your own attachment and issues.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2018 11:26:27 GMT
Hi tnr9
Thank you! I believe so, as initially I know he was just not posting (he'd told me) but then a couple of likes disappeared and there is a restriction on the profile which I'm not sure was there before.
You are correct regarding my healing - I have therefore restricted him back to reduce further triggers, etc, but will have to interact in person at some point again (the one time we did we avoided / ignored each other) due to the circle we are in.
A read a very valuable comment by Compassionateavoid about unrequited love being the addiction, not love itself. Even though I sort of knew that, the words hit me a few days ago and have really helped me to see a slightly more manageable way forward (after being really severely triggered and stuck by (what I now believe was) the ex-FA's severe trigger-response to me.
I have been working on my issues for many, many years and hope to move forward from this huge learning experience, as hard as it is.
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