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Post by brokenbiscuit on Jul 19, 2018 11:14:43 GMT
That's a title to get your attention! As a FA, one thing I have always done in my past few relationships after sex is to close my eyes for a long period of time, even though I'm awake and conscious and talking to my partner. Sex for me can be quite emotional and highly charged. My recent ex used to tell me it was the way I would be most expressive with her (which is a mildly worrying comment but there you go) So why do I keep my eyes closed after lovemaking? Is it a way of closing myself off after an emotional experience? Is it recharging myself whilst in an independent state? Is it me trying to get distance of sorts from my partner? I have no idea. Has anyone else experienced this with a partner? Maybe it's nothing and just a personal quirk. I feel very relaxed in this state and I can do it for a good hour quite easily... Yeah I'm odd  |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Jul 19, 2018 11:57:42 GMT
Thanks for the post Anne. I'm going to read it and take in the detail/links/exercises a little later today
In the meantime with regards to the below...
"So you do not cuddle and look into your partners eyes at all after having sex? Do you look into your partners eyes under "the act"?"
Yes, we would cuddle and I would really enjoy that intimacy, the warmth, the shared bond of experience ... But my eyes would remain closed. Then they would stay closed for a long period after - whilst she is getting changed, making a cup of tea, talking to me etc. I can stay in this eyes closed state for a while. Its meditative in nature and feels calming to me.
With regards to looking into my partners eyes during sex, this is where things would be complete 180. My ex partner is a high level AP. I loved looking deeply into her eyes during sex, it would be extremely magnetic for me, exciting, arousing, beautiful. Looking deep into her eyes during the act is one thing that's very important to me during sex with a partner I love, and heightens my emotional connection. The strange thing is, my AP partner would often be reluctant to look back. I would ask her oftentimes to look into my eyes during lovemaking and when she would reciprocate the energy levels between us would then go insane. But she would often be reluctant to do so for whatever reason, even though she felt the positive energy from doing it as well.
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Post by throwaway1713 on Aug 13, 2018 15:24:09 GMT
Thanks for the post Anne. I'm going to read it and take in the detail/links/exercises a little later today In the meantime with regards to the below... "So you do not cuddle and look into your partners eyes at all after having sex? Do you look into your partners eyes under "the act"?" Yes, we would cuddle and I would really enjoy that intimacy, the warmth, the shared bond of experience ... But my eyes would remain closed. Then they would stay closed for a long period after - whilst she is getting changed, making a cup of tea, talking to me etc. I can stay in this eyes closed state for a while. Its meditative in nature and feels calming to me. With regards to looking into my partners eyes during sex, this is where things would be complete 180. My ex partner is a high level AP. I loved looking deeply into her eyes during sex, it would be extremely magnetic for me, exciting, arousing, beautiful. Looking deep into her eyes during the act is one thing that's very important to me during sex with a partner I love, and heightens my emotional connection. The strange thing is, my AP partner would often be reluctant to look back. I would ask her oftentimes to look into my eyes during lovemaking and when she would reciprocate the energy levels between us would then go insane. But she would often be reluctant to do so for whatever reason, even though she felt the positive energy from doing it as well. This is very interesting, my (presumably) FA ex-boyfriend would always look away when I kissed him. He wasn’t able to look into my eyes, he would always glance to the side. I always found this very strange, I’d never experienced it before with a partner. It makes complete sense now, for him intimacy is loaded with uncomfortable emotions. |
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jess92
Junior Member
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Post by jess92 on Aug 15, 2018 15:03:12 GMT
Thanks for the post Anne. I'm going to read it and take in the detail/links/exercises a little later today In the meantime with regards to the below... "So you do not cuddle and look into your partners eyes at all after having sex? Do you look into your partners eyes under "the act"?" Yes, we would cuddle and I would really enjoy that intimacy, the warmth, the shared bond of experience ... But my eyes would remain closed. Then they would stay closed for a long period after - whilst she is getting changed, making a cup of tea, talking to me etc. I can stay in this eyes closed state for a while. Its meditative in nature and feels calming to me. With regards to looking into my partners eyes during sex, this is where things would be complete 180. My ex partner is a high level AP. I loved looking deeply into her eyes during sex, it would be extremely magnetic for me, exciting, arousing, beautiful. Looking deep into her eyes during the act is one thing that's very important to me during sex with a partner I love, and heightens my emotional connection. The strange thing is, my AP partner would often be reluctant to look back. I would ask her oftentimes to look into my eyes during lovemaking and when she would reciprocate the energy levels between us would then go insane. But she would often be reluctant to do so for whatever reason, even though she felt the positive energy from doing it as well. This is very interesting, my (presumably) FA ex-boyfriend would always look away when I kissed him. He wasn’t able to look into my eyes, he would always glance to the side. I always found this very strange, I’d never experienced it before with a partner. It makes complete sense now, for him intimacy is loaded with uncomfortable emotions. I actually agree with both of you here! My now ex boyfriend would look at me quite intently when we were first getting together, and would also always look me in the eyes during sex, which as you have said brokenbiscuit, made for a very intense connection. However, as we seemed to get closer in our relationship and he began to retreat somewhat, he would look to the side when kissing me, as throwaway1713 has stated. Very interesting indeed. Since breaking up, although we haven't kissed, the eye contact seems to be back! |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 15, 2018 15:10:41 GMT
www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7XhrXUoD6UThis is an intensely moving short film - worth a watch if you're interested in eye contact. I have played with this - and eye contact really brought my most beloved and I closer - I found in really very difficult to do to start with - all sorts of emotions came up - I notice now that since we have reconnected - he is much better on the eye contact and I am yet to quite get there again.
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Post by epicgum on Aug 28, 2018 15:53:24 GMT
I often fall asleep pretty fast after sex....nothing to do with being FA though haha! Just tired!!
On the other hand, I would close my eyes and drift off to elsewhere when I was getting a handjob and my GF urged me to stay with her and make eye contact with her. It was tough, and I felt totally controlled and vulnerable, but I really liked it and it did help to bond us.
Part of the problem/appeal of my last relationship was that she was subtly controlling and I really like being controlled, and pursued, and being forced to be vulnerable by someone I trusted, but also in resisting that control. It felt close and dangerous and allowed me to slowly open up, while defying her preserved and strengthened my sense of independence.
I wonder if FA is related at all to desires for BDSM and such, as that's always been a subtle element I enjoy in sex... both controlling and exposing my partner, making her feel helpless and totally writhing under my thumb....feeling her resist and struggle and feeling my strength and power...and then also feeling the reverse...having her be in control and feeling myself physically exposed and objectified and teased...ironically, it's the second bit I liked so much more, but...as a man, is so much harder to ask for. (A thought....It could be though, that the preference for either of these over traditional mutual lovey dovy love making is itself a distancing strategy)
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