Post by gaynxious on Feb 14, 2017 18:52:04 GMT
In reading the book Attached and other sources I have noticed a theme of avoidants dating partners that report the avoidant as being more attractive than the anxious. There are a few thoughts I have on this. One the anxious has low self esteem and places their partner on a pedestal and may also confuse their emotional attraction with physical attraction and so miss assess their avoidant partner's physical attractiveness to others. Two, as a means of exerting control or protecting themselves from the pain of being left, the avoidant selects less attractive partners in exchange for added security or control over the relationship. Three, the avoidant's unwillingness to pursue or reassure prospective partners weeds out the more attractive prospects that likely have other prospects of their own, while the less attractive (mind you not necessarily unattractive) pursue with less reassurance due to the physical attractiveness of the avoidant.
Any thoughts?
My ex had pretty bad body image issues so I think he thought I was more attractive than him in the begining (and trust me I had plenty of outside confirmation that he was the more attractive one to 90%+ of the population) and was often willing to allow me to control the relationship out of fear of me leaving him. Then he got in shape and got plenty of outside confirmation that he was very attractive and the dynamic of our relationship changed in the span of a couple months(granted there were other issues as well).
But now he is dating someone and looking at all his exes that I know of I see a pretty consistent trend of dating guys that are at the lower end of the guys he knows he can attract physically (even by his esthetic preferences).
Any thoughts?
My ex had pretty bad body image issues so I think he thought I was more attractive than him in the begining (and trust me I had plenty of outside confirmation that he was the more attractive one to 90%+ of the population) and was often willing to allow me to control the relationship out of fear of me leaving him. Then he got in shape and got plenty of outside confirmation that he was very attractive and the dynamic of our relationship changed in the span of a couple months(granted there were other issues as well).
But now he is dating someone and looking at all his exes that I know of I see a pretty consistent trend of dating guys that are at the lower end of the guys he knows he can attract physically (even by his esthetic preferences).