Post by trevjim on Aug 2, 2018 18:33:18 GMT
My background is a I had a BPD suffering ex and learnt alot from it. I am 29, My current Girlfriend is the same age.
Long story short, Ive been with My girlfriend for 4 months, Everything has been amazing, literally cant fault anything. We communicate well, she always makes an effort, is on time, treats me well and all the important things.
She opened up to me about a month in, about how she had issues in her childhood with her Mother (she did, her mother was a nasty peice of work) and it affects her relationships, she tends to push the people she gets close to away. in short it sounded like she has a fearful avoidant attachment style. Normally this would be a clear red flag, but I continued to pursue it because not only do we get on fantastically, but the fact she is aware of her issues and has seeked professional help in the past, made me feel that she is making a conscious effort to work through them. She is also very mature and respectful. I also feel that with my experience of dating someone with a disorder I may be better equipped to handle it.
So we took things slow, there was no pressure, we communicated well things have been fantastic.
BUT.....
We hadnt had a single argument until we went out for her friends party, neither of us are big drinkers, and it was the first time we drank together. The night itself went without a hitch, but when we got home out of nowhere she was saying things like "I (meaning me) deserve better" and a couple of cruel remarks. I dealt with it well, and we moved on, she was very apologetic, and I accepted that alcohol was a big factor in triggering her behavior (I also set boundaries that it isnt acceptable).
Things have been fine this week then today she hadnt replied to my text all day, which is fine, she could have been busy etc (despite posting on social media) but out of character for her, and I didnt push the matter but asked (over text in the evening) if everything was ok, and that if she isnt feeling it then to be honest with me and that i would rather just know now, but she said everything is fine.
we sent a few texts back and forth like we normally do, and got into a bit of a deep chat, and she was saying things like "she will help me find miss right" and I had also mentioned that she gives me butterflys in a good way, to which she later replied that maybe its a warning. she will say things like its just lust between us, which was a bit of a running joke at first, be she seems to use it to cover any feelings.
Its just little things like that, which really give off bad vibes. she is out for the night now with friends so ive left her to it, but will chat to her in person when i get the chance about mixed signals she gives me. (she told me the other day she wants something long term and today was saying how good it is that we keep things non serious and casual).
I just wanted some advice, it sounds like she is trying to push me away, and I wanted to know how best to deal with that.
im not sure that she is just losing interest and having second thoughts, because i put it on a plate for her to tell me that, So I can only assume the strange comments and behavior of the past week is her trying to push me away, which ive accepted may come if she is fearful advoidant.
Long story short, Ive been with My girlfriend for 4 months, Everything has been amazing, literally cant fault anything. We communicate well, she always makes an effort, is on time, treats me well and all the important things.
She opened up to me about a month in, about how she had issues in her childhood with her Mother (she did, her mother was a nasty peice of work) and it affects her relationships, she tends to push the people she gets close to away. in short it sounded like she has a fearful avoidant attachment style. Normally this would be a clear red flag, but I continued to pursue it because not only do we get on fantastically, but the fact she is aware of her issues and has seeked professional help in the past, made me feel that she is making a conscious effort to work through them. She is also very mature and respectful. I also feel that with my experience of dating someone with a disorder I may be better equipped to handle it.
So we took things slow, there was no pressure, we communicated well things have been fantastic.
BUT.....
We hadnt had a single argument until we went out for her friends party, neither of us are big drinkers, and it was the first time we drank together. The night itself went without a hitch, but when we got home out of nowhere she was saying things like "I (meaning me) deserve better" and a couple of cruel remarks. I dealt with it well, and we moved on, she was very apologetic, and I accepted that alcohol was a big factor in triggering her behavior (I also set boundaries that it isnt acceptable).
Things have been fine this week then today she hadnt replied to my text all day, which is fine, she could have been busy etc (despite posting on social media) but out of character for her, and I didnt push the matter but asked (over text in the evening) if everything was ok, and that if she isnt feeling it then to be honest with me and that i would rather just know now, but she said everything is fine.
we sent a few texts back and forth like we normally do, and got into a bit of a deep chat, and she was saying things like "she will help me find miss right" and I had also mentioned that she gives me butterflys in a good way, to which she later replied that maybe its a warning. she will say things like its just lust between us, which was a bit of a running joke at first, be she seems to use it to cover any feelings.
Its just little things like that, which really give off bad vibes. she is out for the night now with friends so ive left her to it, but will chat to her in person when i get the chance about mixed signals she gives me. (she told me the other day she wants something long term and today was saying how good it is that we keep things non serious and casual).
I just wanted some advice, it sounds like she is trying to push me away, and I wanted to know how best to deal with that.
im not sure that she is just losing interest and having second thoughts, because i put it on a plate for her to tell me that, So I can only assume the strange comments and behavior of the past week is her trying to push me away, which ive accepted may come if she is fearful advoidant.