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Post by gaynxious on Feb 16, 2017 19:02:38 GMT
How would one tell if they or someone else have fearful vs dissmissive attachment? To me they seem largely similar with the main difference being a greater drive to find or be in a relationship if fearful. But surely there are dismissives that like being in relationships with no awareness of their conflict with intimacy or for other psycological or sociological reasons.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2017 5:59:17 GMT
I have a very good friend who I think is fearful and I consider myself dismissive. We are alike in a lot of ways, but the difference I see with her, is that she jumps into relationships much faster and gets close quickly, but after a short time, she becomes dismissive and jumps out of the relationship or will waiver back and forth for a while before ending it. She has a much greater desire to be in a relationship than I do.
As a dismissive, there are times I like being in a relationship (or perhaps find benefits to being in a relationship), but my overall way of thinking is that I am more comfortable not having a close relationship. She always wants to find that close relationship, but when she gets it, it's very hard to handle.
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Post by gaynxious on Feb 21, 2017 17:40:51 GMT
Interesting. I would say he is prolly between fearful and dismissive. I think he feels a need to be in a relationship but doesn't want it to be very close. His general unemotionality fits the dismissive discription better and I would think a true fearful would have had some friends over a ten year period, which he did not.
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Post by gaynxious on Feb 21, 2017 17:46:01 GMT
Are fearfuls prone to getting into relationships that likely don't have a future? It has occurred to me that my ex has a pattern of dating guys that are either long distance or nearing a transition in their lives or near a transition in his life, i.e. Graduation, moving in the semi near future.
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Post by Tanya on Feb 21, 2017 21:45:53 GMT
Hi I am a fearful avoidant, but I have some secure traits too which means that I can act fairly normally in a relationship until there is a trigger. But my trigger level is lower than other more secure types. I act the same as Mary's friend. I fear abandonment and being exposed, so I often jump before I'm pushed. I'm also a conflict avoidant if I fear it will lead to some form of rejection.
Tanya
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Post by FA Female on Apr 1, 2017 0:52:37 GMT
Are fearfuls prone to getting into relationships that likely don't have a future? It has occurred to me that my ex has a pattern of dating guys that are either long distance or nearing a transition in their lives or near a transition in his life, i.e. Graduation, moving in the semi near future. I'm a Fearful Avlidant and I would say I am not very discerning about the person I get involved with. I get in relationships quickly and I don't look at the potential partner critically for a long while, I ignore a lot of red flags. |
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Post by Tanya on Apr 1, 2017 9:03:14 GMT
Hi FA,
Yes, I used to be like you but have become more aware of this with age. I still instinctively was to jump straight in, but at 55 have developed some restraint with some self awareness of myself nowadays.
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