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Post by tnr9 on Aug 5, 2018 4:05:08 GMT
One thing that is becoming crystal clear as I reread my journals from my time with B is that I gave too much credibility to my thoughts about a situation and my interpretation of his motive, versus questioning my thoughts and being curious and asking B about his motives. What I am learning is that I cannot know the inner processes of another person and since my slant has always been a bit negative, then I have to doubly question any interpretation I make. It is something I am working on but I wonder if anyone else has seen this in their own relationships.
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Post by leavethelighton on Aug 7, 2018 23:58:55 GMT
Yes, I think it is a big part of the challenge. So much so, that at this point pretty much all I want from some people is to know their perception of ... what happened.
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joan
Full Member
Posts: 100
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Post by joan on Aug 8, 2018 4:25:00 GMT
One thing that is becoming crystal clear as I reread my journals from my time with B is that I gave too much credibility to my thoughts about a situation and my interpretation of his motive, versus questioning my thoughts and being curious and asking B about his motives. What I am learning is that I cannot know the inner processes of another person and since my slant has always been a bit negative, then I have to doubly question any interpretation I make. It is something I am working on but I wonder if anyone else has seen this in their own relationships. tnr9 - I struggle with exactly this daily. My mind is wired to go straight to the negative, and it can be triggered quite easily. Knowing that my mind does that, and the thoughts are more fear based than what could be reality I have to basically argue against what I'm thinking. It can be helpful at times, but other times I let my mind go wild and then it's a downward spiral that just leads to more anxiety. I used to go to friends and family whenever I needed to credit or discredit my perception of something that happened because I didn't trust my own. After years of doing this I know I burned them out and I started feeling foolish showing how preoccupied I was with my romantic relationships. So I've been trying to learn how to identify when my thoughts are more fear and paranoia than they are reality. It's difficult, because you have these two opposing voices or thoughts in your head. You hear that negative voice that you've heard your whole life and you tend to trust that one more. However, you've been learning and recognizing that it's been wrong a lot of the time so you have to go against it. What's made me realize the thoughts I've had can't be fully trusted. I spent a great number of years worried about my ex-husband cheating on me or leaving me. He never did. I left him! Years later I realized I fully believed my insecure thoughts, never questioning them and letting them wreck havoc on my relationship and basically my life. They all turned out to be wrong. I thought they were protecting me, but they only caused me a lot of unnecessary pain and anxiety. |
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