Seeking our opposite sex parent as a partner/Happy marriages

I was thinking the chapter that talks about how we seek out our opposite parent in relationships. Is it possible that a dismissive avoidant seeks out the good qualities in his opposite parent or finds someone with the negative qualities? I feel the dismissive unconsciously knows he will not get close so I'm guessing it would be easier for one to seek out a more forgiving and loving partner. Yet, they are unaware of their own internal problems so it becomes the other partner's fault when things go south. I wonder if the dismissive becomes disgusted at a partner who shows vulnerability, openness and love as they view it as a sign of weakness. I know I am a secure. I recall first opening up about being a widow, my avoidant said he was wondering why someone like me was single. To which I never asked him why he was single. Ha! Dumb me, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am trusting of others. Are dismissive avoidant people generally attracted to secure people? I know they generally click and probably have longer lasting relationships with anxious/preoccupied--possibly because they view these people as weak, open and accepting of their dismissive behaviors. However, securely attached individuals seem to have these traits as well. My avoidant's mom was his world and from what he opened up about, they got along and still continue to get along great. I'm assuming that's what he liked about me initially. My loving, kind, and accepting personality. I know his dad was horrible and I suspect (as he opened up a little at the very beginning when things were good) that there was a bit of neglect and or physical abuse. I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. I'm wondering if his dad was also a dismissive avoidant and his mom was secure but then became anxious about her own relationship with the dad which in turn could have made her seem cold at times to the child due to her own marital problems. Is it possible to shift on the attachment style spectrum as the relationship progresses? I feel as if he was attracted to me because I was secure in my attachment style (like his mom was to his dad in the beginning) as he may have first been a fearful avoidant. Then, when we got closer I shifted between securely attached/anxious preoccupied as his style made me more maddened and anxious-- to which then he shifted to a completely dismissive avoidant. We were definitely at totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Is this even a possibility? This is all so fascinating to me. It's also very helpful for me to understand where this person was coming from at the time.    

I also got to the chapter about happy marriages. It made me miss my late husband dearly but also made me happy and grateful. We had such a wonderful relationship and did all the things "right" that this chapter talked about. No relationship is perfect but you work through the problems. We were both securely attached individuals who had incredible role models for a long lasting relationship-- both of our parents were high school sweethearts who are both still married today! 38 and 39 years and going strong!!!! I'm so happy I got to experience a healthy relationship as most people struggle to get that chance in adulthood. It's so hard now!!!! I feel the dating pool gets more difficult as you get older since most securely attached people are taken. Jeb, I think you need to start a dating website and match people by screening attachment styles. You'd make a killing!


I'm loving this book!



Peace, Love & Happiness <3