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Post by rondoallaturca on Aug 25, 2018 16:43:44 GMT
After yet another breakup, my ex recommended I read "Attached." Which I did, and related so strongly to Avoidant, but at times, with Anxious as well. I then googled around and found this site, and the description of FA fit me to a tee. I'm 35 (m), have had dozens of serial monogamous relationships, all of them ending with me breaking it off after I find "flaws" in them, or am bored. The "fearful" part has come up only in some of the more special relationships, where at first, I deeply crave their approval and love; once I have it, thus begins the downslope of flaw-finding and needing to be alone. Of course, once I'm alone again, I need to find someone new. The whole cycle fucking sucks.
Other FA's here: what have you done that has helped? I've recently started therapy, I quit drinking (oh yeah I'm also an alcoholic) and joined AA, I'm trying to go to the gym everyday to at least build physical self-esteem. Would love to hear recommendations or at least some concept of optimism or hope that I won't be doing this forever.
Thanks for any input.
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Post by mrob on Aug 25, 2018 18:25:41 GMT
Keep going with the AA stuff. The lot. Meetings, sponsor, phone calls, the whole lot. Do the steps with that sponsor that you won’t want to commit to. Forget everything else until later.
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jess92
Junior Member
Posts: 50 
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Post by jess92 on Aug 25, 2018 19:13:22 GMT
I'm afraid I can't offer you much advice from an FA perspective, as all I know is what I've read through the forum and other articles/books, but I just wanted to say I think the fact that you have heeded the advice from your most recent ex, and you're looking to take steps to make some changes is really great. That said, from the discussions I've had on other threads with another FA, it seems they're trying the same things as other attachment styles to allow them to become more secure; reading Jeb's books among others, practicing mindfulness and/or meditation, counselling/therapy.... there are also some great posts throughout the site from anne12 which offer a variety of information/advice and helpful exercises That's not to say it will be easy, I'm just starting my own journey as an AP as I want become more secure but I really think the willingness to work on yourself alone means a lot toward your growth path. Good luck  |
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Post by lilyg on Aug 25, 2018 22:56:11 GMT
I don't have much to say but welcome 😊 you'll find lots of amazing advice here.
This can change. There are some posters here who have reached an earned secure attachment.
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Post by epicgum on Aug 26, 2018 17:34:52 GMT
Hi there, I am in the same boat unfortunately :/ (just a little younger, and maybe longer relationship)
One of the things I'm thinking about doing is getting a cat, which is reccomend by the attached book. Cause you are supposed to be able to model the secure relationship that you have with your pet.
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 26, 2018 17:38:10 GMT
Hi there, I am in the same boat unfortunately :/ (just a little younger, and maybe longer relationship) One of the things I'm thinking about doing is getting a cat, which is reccomend by the attached book. Cause you are supposed to be able to model the secure relationship that you have with your pet. Yes...highly, highly recommend a cat.....I just adopted one a few weeks ago. Look for one that has your desired level of affection/independence. 🙂 |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2018 18:15:50 GMT
Hi rondoallarturca - you sound familiar ... yes, get a cat to learn about unconditional love - and keep reading, learning and being brave.
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jess92
Junior Member
Posts: 50
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Post by jess92 on Aug 26, 2018 21:25:11 GMT
Hi there, I am in the same boat unfortunately :/ (just a little younger, and maybe longer relationship) One of the things I'm thinking about doing is getting a cat, which is reccomend by the attached book. Cause you are supposed to be able to model the secure relationship that you have with your pet. I am thinking about doing this too! I've just been looking at rescue cats/kittens prior to coming on to the forum. They're also meant to be very intuitive and can supposedly sense moods etc. and offer attention/cuddles when needed. And the beauty of it is... we definitely won't have attachment style dilemmas or issues with cats |
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