Boring?

stayhappy, I said I'd keep you updated. I'm still dating sparsely because I may be moving soon, but I have been going out a lot lately to try to meet new people, and no one seems to think I'm boring!

However, I'm not really very available to other people who strike me as insecurely attached, so I'm not giving them the chance to get bored by me either.

And the more I think about it, the more it is about a lack of drama and dysfunction triggers that feels boring, not the secure person themselves, but awareness is rarely high enough on either end to understand that.

For me, the secure people that I know at least can seem "boring" to me not solely because they don't provide an emotional rollercoaster, but also because our lives and interests tend to be so different. I also don't feel like we understand each other, so I can feel a bit lonely with them.

It would be an oversimplification to claim that feeling bored with secures is only due to the fact that they don't seem to want to do stuff I consider fun however. I knew one FA who had different interests/priorities to me (spent most of his time working or at home, didn't travel, rarely went out) and I didn't think he was "boring," however we did stuff together that was still exciting and his life outside of our time together sounded terribly dull to me.

Secures seem puzzled over my emotions and actions, although highly dismissively avoidant people do as well, so I feel like we don't "connect" and relate the same way I do with other insecure people. I have some very secure long-term friendships with good emotional availability with friends whose main attachment style is not secure, and I don't find them boring. I feel like we can relate to each other more and have had more similar life experiences. But I am basing this all off a small sample size. The last secure person I dated for any real length of time, for example, just wanted to stay in and cook dinner and watch movies, and I want to do things like go out dancing or on an adventure or trip or have a lot of passionate sex or deep conversation. I think it can be a little more nuanced than simply needing drama in the relationship, but I still like to have a little drama in my life in the form of novel and emotional experiences, and most secures I know don't seem to feel as much of a need for that and seem content to be homebodies. Maybe this is my age though, I don't know what young secures are like.

Secures on here, feel free to prove me wrong if you actually love and prioritize things I mentioned as things it seems like secures aren't into.

It finally happened, stayhappy. I went on a date with a somewhat aware AP, and even though we talked for 4 hours and had a fun time, he ended up canceling our second date because he realized after not seeing me for a couple days that he only had platonic feelings. An insecure has found me not exciting enough romantically!!!