Post by trevjim on Oct 10, 2018 17:13:07 GMT
So Ive been with my Girlfriend for 6 months now. She is (most probably) FA, due to some horrific upbringing by one of her parents. She is well aware of her issues and admits they have been a heavy factor in some of her previous relationships breaking down. She shows all the classic signs.
my Ex girlfriend had BPD, so ive experience with PD's and feel quite well equipped to deal with her issues as best I can having learnt from my mistakes in that relationship.
our relationship has been fantastic for the most part, we get on well, all the good stuff, very loving, had a week abroad with no issues etc. the only arguments we have had are when her issues come to the surface. we have both said despite it being early days we can see a real future for us, yet at the same time have acknowledged its early days and kept a sensible head.
we have had a couple of blips, one which was triggered by alcohol which was the first time she tried to push me away, saying she isnt good enough for me etc. i was calm and rational and gave her space, and it seemed to help.
she has admitted recently that she is really struggling. As much as she loves me, she feels (in her own words) scared and wants to run away. she says every day she is battling with her mind. she knows its her issues and just wants to be better. It came to a point the other night when she broke down, saying how much she hates herself. She even told me we are over because she doesn't want to put me through it, and that again, I deserve better.
She see's crying as shameful and a sign of weakness. she is also suffering from extreme jealousy from any ex gf's of mine, even when the jealousy is unfounded.
I was calm throughout the ordeal, I kept strong with my boundaries and told her when she as out of line or saying something nasty. I never pushed her too hard, eventually after an hour of tears and back and forth, we reconciled.
Im simply looking for advice on how to move forward from here. She is aware of her issues, yet wont do counselling as she did that when she was younger and found the therapists of no help and insensitive. I have suggested trying again but she refuses too and I understand that its something she would need to want to do anyway. she doesn't really like talking about her issues even with me.
im looking for advice on what I can do with my part in this relationship to give this relationship the best chance, because for 95% of the time its been fantastic.
Im also looking for anything that I could suggest to her to help her heal if her issues arise again which im sure they will. Her biggest issue is that she hates herself.
my Ex girlfriend had BPD, so ive experience with PD's and feel quite well equipped to deal with her issues as best I can having learnt from my mistakes in that relationship.
our relationship has been fantastic for the most part, we get on well, all the good stuff, very loving, had a week abroad with no issues etc. the only arguments we have had are when her issues come to the surface. we have both said despite it being early days we can see a real future for us, yet at the same time have acknowledged its early days and kept a sensible head.
we have had a couple of blips, one which was triggered by alcohol which was the first time she tried to push me away, saying she isnt good enough for me etc. i was calm and rational and gave her space, and it seemed to help.
she has admitted recently that she is really struggling. As much as she loves me, she feels (in her own words) scared and wants to run away. she says every day she is battling with her mind. she knows its her issues and just wants to be better. It came to a point the other night when she broke down, saying how much she hates herself. She even told me we are over because she doesn't want to put me through it, and that again, I deserve better.
She see's crying as shameful and a sign of weakness. she is also suffering from extreme jealousy from any ex gf's of mine, even when the jealousy is unfounded.
I was calm throughout the ordeal, I kept strong with my boundaries and told her when she as out of line or saying something nasty. I never pushed her too hard, eventually after an hour of tears and back and forth, we reconciled.
Im simply looking for advice on how to move forward from here. She is aware of her issues, yet wont do counselling as she did that when she was younger and found the therapists of no help and insensitive. I have suggested trying again but she refuses too and I understand that its something she would need to want to do anyway. she doesn't really like talking about her issues even with me.
im looking for advice on what I can do with my part in this relationship to give this relationship the best chance, because for 95% of the time its been fantastic.
Im also looking for anything that I could suggest to her to help her heal if her issues arise again which im sure they will. Her biggest issue is that she hates herself.
