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Post by leavethelighton on Oct 22, 2018 0:00:11 GMT
So from what I've read in psychology (maybe influenced by Jung?) they say that criticism or a wish for something about someone else to be different is often actually a projection of what we wish was different in ourselves, or because we are unable to accept that aspect of ourselves. (An example: if you're constantly upset about the messes your partner makes, it's because you're not accepting of your own messiness or the inner need your psyche has to be more relaxed about your surroundings. Or on a more serious example, if you're constantly upset about other people leaving you, it could be that you're not accepting of the less-steady parts of yourself or you're in denial about your own challenges with commitment).
Do you think this is equally true across all attachment styles?
And where would that leave a "secure" person who has a stronger acceptance of reality-- are they thus more likely than other attachment styles to be accepting of all parts of themselves?
This also makes me wonder about a chicken and egg sort of argument. Would you be more able to accept others for who they are because you accept yourself in the first place, or could it go in the reverse and learning to accept yourself to a greater degree would make you more accepting of others?
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 22, 2018 2:30:40 GMT
I think that can be true..but I don't think it aligns so much to attachment theory....I think it is more personality traits that you developed through your own lens versus the learned behaviors formed from the relationship from your parents/caregivers.
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Post by epicgum on Oct 22, 2018 4:00:15 GMT
I think its totally true in terms of self acceptance--if you are judging yourself, you will judge other people as well.
In terms of the projection bit, sure I get that too, I think I experienced some of that projecting my own insecurities onto my partner as part of faultfinding.
I think sometimes we pick partners to complete some part of ourselves that is lacking to complete ourselves, and the overtime we start to resent that difference and try to change it. You see this in the AP/DA pairing, where the AP is attracted to the independence and measure of control exhibited by the DA that they lack in themselves, and the DA is attracted to the passion of the AP that he or she lacks in themselves. Then as the relationship develops these qualities become overwhelming.
I certainly did this in other ways as well, I liked that my exgf was free spirited because I'm kind of overly rigid, then later I started to see that as impulsive and self destructive and I wanted to change it/didn't like it.
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