Post by suburbanwizard on Oct 22, 2018 2:14:14 GMT
Still working through much of ideas of attachment theory. One I am not sure I have a full grasp on is the idea of the phantom ex.
I know that I have a type. I am very attracted to women with a slight/athletic build, very dark hair, large sad and brightly colored eyes, and significantly above average intelligence and/or advanced degrees. The also tend me have a cooler temperament and be somewhat elusive.
I'll meet women that like me and I like them, but I'll wish they had very dark hair and often a slighter build if they don't. However, when I meet a woman that checks these specific boxes I a tendency to start thinking, even if only subconsciously "she's the one." I get attached far quicker and anxious about them then I do other people I date.
I can trace this look back to my first girlfriend, who was 5'2, a former gymnast, had pitch black hair and very large emotive blue eyes. I was 14, she 15, so neither of us had advanced degrees, but she was very intelligent. This was a horrible relationship. It started fun, but she was a chronic liar, she cheated on me with more or less everyone and turned me into a wreck in my teenage years. I would never want to date this woman again nor I do not want to be friends with her. I don't follow her on social media, and if I could talk to her again I would ask her what was wrong with her.
EDIT: I'll also add I moved from one coast to the other when I was 15, and we had a long distance thing going for like a year, and then she refused to see me the next time I visited the place we both used to live. She basically ghosted the long distance relationship.
I can't say if I found that look to be attractive before I met her, I was 14 at the time, but it speaks to me at a very high level now. The women I find the most attractive tend to have some variation of this look and attributes.
Does this sound like a phantom ex? Am I not taking other partners serious because they lack some of these traits?
Or do I just have a type?
I know that I have a type. I am very attracted to women with a slight/athletic build, very dark hair, large sad and brightly colored eyes, and significantly above average intelligence and/or advanced degrees. The also tend me have a cooler temperament and be somewhat elusive.
I'll meet women that like me and I like them, but I'll wish they had very dark hair and often a slighter build if they don't. However, when I meet a woman that checks these specific boxes I a tendency to start thinking, even if only subconsciously "she's the one." I get attached far quicker and anxious about them then I do other people I date.
I can trace this look back to my first girlfriend, who was 5'2, a former gymnast, had pitch black hair and very large emotive blue eyes. I was 14, she 15, so neither of us had advanced degrees, but she was very intelligent. This was a horrible relationship. It started fun, but she was a chronic liar, she cheated on me with more or less everyone and turned me into a wreck in my teenage years. I would never want to date this woman again nor I do not want to be friends with her. I don't follow her on social media, and if I could talk to her again I would ask her what was wrong with her.
EDIT: I'll also add I moved from one coast to the other when I was 15, and we had a long distance thing going for like a year, and then she refused to see me the next time I visited the place we both used to live. She basically ghosted the long distance relationship.
I can't say if I found that look to be attractive before I met her, I was 14 at the time, but it speaks to me at a very high level now. The women I find the most attractive tend to have some variation of this look and attributes.
Does this sound like a phantom ex? Am I not taking other partners serious because they lack some of these traits?
Or do I just have a type?
