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Post by epicgum on Oct 25, 2018 22:43:19 GMT
So I wanted to come back to this post after taking a night off of it.....I was feeling resistance and wanted to honor my need to gain a bit more distance from the raw feelings. To clarify...B is not dating the girl in question...but I have suspected he likes her for some time. When I saw him last week....he mentioned going with her (and some other of her friends) to a winery tour that she had won in a raffle last year. He said she was a really nice person and he found her very attractive, but he has not pursued it because he does not want to hurt anyone else the way he hurt me. He also said that she has become his rock in the singles community. After he had left..that is when my mind started piecing a story together of how she would succeed where I had failed, how she was more important to B because he did not want to hurt her and how she could hang out with him in a way that was a struggle for me due to my feelings for him. I could picture in my head the two of them slowly getting closer and closer in a way that would lead to a good outcome..or so my mind imagined...that is what led to the feelings that I described as "jealousy"...but to your point epicgum, may be both jealousy and envy. I do so appreciate the advice from everyone. I'm not sure if it will make you feel better, but I dated a girl who expressed this sentiment to me "I've failed, but I've broken down your walls and the next girl will get to have you and I wont" and....she was definitely wrong about that....sadly for me. |
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Post by 8675309 on Oct 26, 2018 0:38:15 GMT
Your latest post is a reason why I said in another thread about cutting the cord. Being friends has you up in your feels... rubbing salt in the wounds. Grieve the loss and revisit friendship months from now.
Id be up in my feels too! I dont want to know what he is doing or who hes talking to because I will be bothered by it still. Its like the saying... dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to.
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Post by epicgum on Oct 26, 2018 0:46:40 GMT
Your latest post is a reason why I said in another thread about cutting the cord. Being friends has you up in your feels... rubbing salt in the wounds. Grieve the loss and revisit friendship months from now. Id be up in my feels too! I dont want to know what he is doing or who hes talking to because I will be bothered by it still. Its like the saying... dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to. While I agree with your message, the mindset "dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to" is not great advice overall and was a big issue for me in the relationship. Ya gotta be able to disagree and have the hard conversations! |
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 26, 2018 0:55:00 GMT
I understand where you are coming from....it was my decision to let him come over...it was my decision to ask him the questions I did....I thought I had made progress and was ready...but clearly I still need time.
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Post by 8675309 on Oct 26, 2018 0:58:39 GMT
Your latest post is a reason why I said in another thread about cutting the cord. Being friends has you up in your feels... rubbing salt in the wounds. Grieve the loss and revisit friendship months from now. Id be up in my feels too! I dont want to know what he is doing or who hes talking to because I will be bothered by it still. Its like the saying... dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to. While I agree with your message, the mindset "dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to" is not great advice overall and was a big issue for me in the relationship. Ya gotta be able to disagree and have the hard conversations! I meant that in the sense of... I dont want to hang out and be friends while Im up in my feelings, I dont want to know what he is doing, etc. Its about getting over them. Not a relationship thing. Like I would not ask my DA if hes seeing someone when I want him. I dont want to know so I dont get in my feels. haha. So I dont hang out with him, I dont ask what hes doing, dont look at his social media, etc. Id be rubbing salt in my wounds. |
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 26, 2018 1:17:52 GMT
While I agree with your message, the mindset "dont ask questions you dont want to know the answers to" is not great advice overall and was a big issue for me in the relationship. Ya gotta be able to disagree and have the hard conversations! I meant that in the sense of... I dont want to hang out and be friends while Im up in my feelings, I dont want to know what he is doing, etc. Its about getting over them. Not a relationship thing. Like I would not ask my DA if hes seeing someone when I want him. I dont want to know so I dont get in my feels. haha. So I dont hang out with him, I dont ask what hes doing, dont look at his social media, etc. Id be rubbing salt in my wounds. Yeh...that was on me..completely on me...we were talking about general things...family, job and I am the one who opened up the dialogue about..what have you been up to....so I own that completely. |
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Post by faithopelove on Oct 26, 2018 2:40:01 GMT
I meant that in the sense of... I dont want to hang out and be friends while Im up in my feelings, I dont want to know what he is doing, etc. Its about getting over them. Not a relationship thing. Like I would not ask my DA if hes seeing someone when I want him. I dont want to know so I dont get in my feels. haha. So I dont hang out with him, I dont ask what hes doing, dont look at his social media, etc. Id be rubbing salt in my wounds. Yeh...that was on me..completely on me...we were talking about general things...family, job and I am the one who opened up the dialogue about..what have you been up to....so I own that completely. Things like that are bound to come up though if B truly believes you are ok just being friends. However, I’m surprised any ex would think the person they used to be with is ok hearing about their romantic feelings for others. He’s expecting a lot from you- I wouldn’t expect a former partner to want to hear that from me. |
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