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Post by faithopelove on Oct 24, 2018 12:15:14 GMT
My DA partner triggered me by rejecting me when I was being vulnerable; I don't think he had any idea about it and I should have communicated more clearly. But I don't want to explain it to him right now. Now I'm sitting at work, unable to focus, trying to come up with an excuse to "end" *wink-wink* our relationship. I can't think of anything believable which makes me angry. I'm screwed. At the same time, since I'm aware of what I'm doing (yet I'm still doing it), I laugh at myself. It's ridiculous. And I’m sitting here about to start work trying to remember why I shouldn’t reach out to my DA ex...I’m trying to do what’s right for me and focus on my healing but the silence between us has my mind preoccupied with him. I question my motives for wanting to reach out- bc I miss him, want to make it work, want to soothe in a reconnection...all of the above. He was distant and cool in our last exchange- it makes me want to reach out more. I still want to prove my emotional stability to him but I have to face that his distancing behavior remains a struggle for my AP triggers. So, I know how you feel.... |
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 24, 2018 12:16:57 GMT
I'm sorry Christie...that must have felt so invalidating even if he did not understand you. 💕
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Post by lilyg on Oct 24, 2018 13:38:50 GMT
Christie, I know you already know the answer but, it's a very legitimate feeling... as you told me, you know what's going on and sometimes we have to be smart about it. It's ok to feel upset, everyone does, what makes a difference is the outcome of those feelings. You know what's going on, I don't even think it's bad to laugh about it. It's great that you're able to understand it while you're feeling it. faithopelove, how long have you been not contacting him? Hold on, I know it's hard! Prove that stability to you, little by little. You're the most important person to impress. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2018 13:58:16 GMT
just pause.
rest.
let the internal storm pass,
then assess.
just take cover with unconditionally safe people so you and your partner can address this when things are not so raw.
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Post by lilyg on Oct 24, 2018 14:30:42 GMT
Thank you all. I know it's just a momentary feeling, and I know if I ended things it'd be the end. I won't act on it. Luckily, I can distance myself and he won't even notice. He didn't do anything wrong either. They're just my little wounds from the past. I just find it funny that I'm fully aware I don't want to end it, but at the same time I'm trying really, really hard to find a silly excuse to do it. "Go away, but don't". A big hug Christie, you can do it |
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Post by camper78 on Oct 24, 2018 19:29:39 GMT
You guys can do this. Hour by hour if you have to.. one decision at a time. ❤️🙏❤️
<<<< supportive vibes >>>>>
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Post by faithopelove on Oct 24, 2018 19:44:50 GMT
Christie, I know you already know the answer but, it's a very legitimate feeling... as you told me, you know what's going on and sometimes we have to be smart about it. It's ok to feel upset, everyone does, what makes a difference is the outcome of those feelings. You know what's going on, I don't even think it's bad to laugh about it. It's great that you're able to understand it while you're feeling it. faithopelove, how long have you been not contacting him? Hold on, I know it's hard! Prove that stability to you, little by little. You're the most important person to impress. Hey lily, two weeks no contact. Tough coming off a cold exchange from him. The AP in me wants to smooth things over. He rarely initiates. I don’t expect him to. He showed signs of being FA in our relationship, but since right before our break til now, he’s deep DA. Also the way he described himself in past relationships, he was DA. He said he never opened his heart out to anyone before and in a break up, he would immediately delete the person’s number. He’s been shut down 11 months now on me and will only see me casually - told me he has a hard time trusting for a reason to not be together. He said he really wanted things to work between us, but he gave up after a few conflicts and my AP ways surfacing. (Repeated texts, call in conflicts etc) It’s hard... |
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