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Post by emkaye on Oct 24, 2018 12:46:26 GMT
I'm currently in therapy. As part of the therapeutic process, I'm making a list of unhealthy behaviors/deactivating patterns that I have used in relationships. My goal is to recognize them and be able to replace them with healthier ones.
I'm doing this for the sake of awareness only as some of these behaviors are so ingrained that they seem natural and normal to me. Writing them down and reading them allows me to look at them from a different perspective.
Here is my list (feel free to add your own) as I believe I may have missed some (again, this is not to punish myself but to make myself aware). My goal is to reduce and hopefully eliminate these behaviors.
Anxious/Protest behaviors:
1. Making 'off-the-hip' decisions and acting on them based on pure emotion (then later regretting)
2. Displaying exaggerated emotions to regain connection/attention
3. Exaggerating illness to regain connection/attention
4. Holding grudges from past hurt (especially childhood)
5. Silent treatment
6. Ruminating/hyperfocusing over partner's actions
7. Extreme jealousy
Avoidant behaviors:
1. Avoiding eye contact
2. Hiding emotion/holding it in
3. Becoming defensive
4. Witholding affection
5. Avoiding conflict
What are yours?
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 26, 2018 0:32:22 GMT
Just IMO: 1. Making 'off-the-hip' decisions and acting on them based on pure emotion... Avoidant does it too. 2. Displaying exaggerated emotions to regain connection/attention Maybe Avoidant could do this to regain control / independence. 4. Holding grudges from past hurt (especially childhood) Avoidant. Doesn't talk about past hurt by others, but I suspect the grudge and hurt is there, simmering away. 5. Silent treatment Avoidant 6. Ruminating/hyperfocusing over partner's actions Avoidant focus on partners imperfections. Avoidant behaviors: 1. Avoiding eye contact Anxious can do this if uncertain of the response. 3. Becoming defensive Maybe gets expressed differently. ..this post was by a poster sharing about the behaviors that that poster is working on....not sure what your point is in this response. |
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Post by blueunif on Oct 26, 2018 3:46:20 GMT
I'm currently in therapy. As part of the therapeutic process, I'm making a list of unhealthy behaviors/deactivating patterns that I have used in relationships. My goal is to recognize them and be able to replace them with healthier ones. I'm doing this for the sake of awareness only as some of these behaviors are so ingrained that they seem natural and normal to me. Writing them down and reading them allows me to look at them from a different perspective. Here is my list (feel free to add your own) as I believe I may have missed some (again, this is not to punish myself but to make myself aware). My goal is to reduce and hopefully eliminate these behaviors. Anxious/Protest behaviors: 1. Making 'off-the-hip' decisions and acting on them based on pure emotion (then later regretting) 2. Displaying exaggerated emotions to regain connection/attention 3. Exaggerating illness to regain connection/attention 4. Holding grudges from past hurt (especially childhood) 5. Silent treatment 6. Ruminating/hyperfocusing over partner's actions 7. Extreme jealousy Avoidant behaviors: 1. Avoiding eye contact 2. Hiding emotion/holding it in 3. Becoming defensive 4. Witholding affection 5. Avoiding conflict What are yours? Mine are pretty much the same! This list is really useful, thank you. I'd like to add that i "run away" : go off on my own for a few hours or longer. I've always done this, & is also a cry for attention. |
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 26, 2018 4:24:30 GMT
OP asked for additions. I was just struck by how similar some reactions seem to be between different "types". The OP asked for the community of members to post the behaviors each is working on....not to chime in on whether the behaviors apply to certain attachment styles. I think you need to reread the title. |
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Post by faithopelove on Oct 26, 2018 21:42:10 GMT
I'm currently in therapy. As part of the therapeutic process, I'm making a list of unhealthy behaviors/deactivating patterns that I have used in relationships. My goal is to recognize them and be able to replace them with healthier ones. I'm doing this for the sake of awareness only as some of these behaviors are so ingrained that they seem natural and normal to me. Writing them down and reading them allows me to look at them from a different perspective. Here is my list (feel free to add your own) as I believe I may have missed some (again, this is not to punish myself but to make myself aware). My goal is to reduce and hopefully eliminate these behaviors. Anxious/Protest behaviors: 1. Making 'off-the-hip' decisions and acting on them based on pure emotion (then later regretting) 2. Displaying exaggerated emotions to regain connection/attention 3. Exaggerating illness to regain connection/attention 4. Holding grudges from past hurt (especially childhood) 5. Silent treatment 6. Ruminating/hyperfocusing over partner's actions 7. Extreme jealousy Avoidant behaviors: 1. Avoiding eye contact 2. Hiding emotion/holding it in 3. Becoming defensive 4. Witholding affection 5. Avoiding conflict What are yours? Texting has def gotten me in the most trouble in my relationships. 😞Over texting while anxious and feeling abandoned, texting without emotional self-control- it’s so darn easy to text and then regret it later once I’m not activated. I’ve made progress with this but it’s something I need to manage. |
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aj
New Member
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Post by aj on Jan 18, 2020 5:00:09 GMT
Just IMO: 1. Making 'off-the-hip' decisions and acting on them based on pure emotion... Avoidant does it too. 2. Displaying exaggerated emotions to regain connection/attention Maybe Avoidant could do this to regain control / independence. 4. Holding grudges from past hurt (especially childhood) Avoidant. Doesn't talk about past hurt by others, but I suspect the grudge and hurt is there, simmering away. 5. Silent treatment Avoidant 6. Ruminating/hyperfocusing over partner's actions Avoidant focus on partners imperfections. Avoidant behaviors: 1. Avoiding eye contact Anxious can do this if uncertain of the response. 3. Becoming defensive Maybe gets expressed differently. Yeh it's interesting how actions can be in either box depending on what's happening for you underneath, which confounds Avoidant / Anxious self awareness. Thanks emkaye for your behaviour list. Helped my self-awareness too. Perhaps similar to silent treatment, I give up, disengage, emotionally withdraw as a way of having the other person chase me. Doesn't work, but that doesn't seem to stop me - you'd think I'd learn. I expect that one is Anxious/Protest behaviour. |
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Post by soconfused on May 9, 2020 7:01:29 GMT
1) texting and calling incessantly all the while suffering and making myself miserable
2) not considering the other person at all
3) being hyper sensitive to feelings rejected and expecting to be included in all activities, group texts, and basically my partners whole life really early on
4) focusing on my partner’s life, faults, behavior, etc so I don’t have to focus on my own
5) self abandonment by obsessing over the relationship
6) black and white thinking - either love you or hate you
7) getting very angry, breaking up, and then apologizing and asking to get back together
8) pining for someone when I do not have them, becoming disinterested and critical of them when I finally get them
9) suddenly becoming repulsed by someone when things cross my boundaries too soon where I may have previously liked them or even slept with them before.
10) crazy mood swings - feeling angry, numb, detached, sad, lonely, and wanting love but not really all in one day
11) playing victim
I’m FA with a addict parents and codependent parent so lots of almost bipolar behavior on my part with this attachment style and my daily life due to the inconsistency in my home.
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