liz
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by liz on Oct 31, 2018 14:09:02 GMT
I understand that we are all unique, our attachment styles are different along a spectrum and our experiences and preferences will differ, but it might be interesting to find out what most of us would consider normal amount of contact and what we would personally prefer, based on a comfortable, exclusive, dating relationship that is about 6 months old, with both parties living not too far away from each other. If it is a LDR, you can add a note about that too, for some perspective.
It would be great if you are willing to share your gender, attachment style, what you think is
(A) a normal healthy amount of contact and if it is different,
(B) what you would find ideal for yourself,
in terms of the following:
1. Number of Text Exchanges per day/week 2. Number/Hours of Phone calls per day/week 3. Number of Dates per week/month
If you have another personal perspective, if you know of another person's preferences, or if you would like to share some insight about the above, do feel free to add to the thread.
The objective is to have an understanding and a ballpark figure so all of us would know how far or close we are to the average/norm, even though there is no one size fits all. I consider myself a Secure but maybe I'm not, so it would be interesting to test our preferences against some statistics in general. It might help some of us understand our attachment styles better and to adjust accordingly if there is a need.
Thanks in advance for adding your point of view.
Me = Secure Female
A) What I understand to be Normal Contact:
1. 5x/day 2. 1x/day, 0.5 hour/call 3. 2x/week
B) What I prefer for myself:
1. 3x/day 2. 3x/week, 0.5 hour/call 3. 2x/week
Male DA whom I dated:
1. 1-2x/week 2.1x/2 weeks, 15 min/call
3. 1-2x/month
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Post by 8675309 on Oct 31, 2018 14:13:18 GMT
Secure person here.
Daily if we are really dating now. Once a day is fine with me and it can be as simple and a kiss emojis. Just a thinking of you and go on with our day. Im ok with text/chatting a bit more but once a day is good enough for me.
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liz
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by liz on Oct 31, 2018 14:18:09 GMT
Secure person here. Daily if we are really dating now. Once a day is fine with me and it can be as simple and a kiss emojis. Just a thinking of you and go on with our day. Im ok with text/chatting a bit more but once a day is good enough for me. How often would you like to see your partner in person? it doesn't have to be a fancy date, could be walks or pizza and a movie at home. |
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Post by 8675309 on Oct 31, 2018 14:25:56 GMT
At least once a week, forgot that part! haha. Im good with non fancy dates, we could hang out doing laundry for all I care as long as we get some time in together. Im a busy person and more of a loner type so once or twice a week is good.
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liz
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by liz on Oct 31, 2018 14:36:32 GMT
At least once a week, forgot that part! haha. Im good with non fancy dates, we could hang out doing laundry for all I care as long as we get some time in together. Im a busy person and more of a loner type so once or twice a week is good. Yes, that works for me too, I actually just like hanging out, holding hands, feeding some ducks, not necessarily spending a full day together. The regularity and consistency calms me more than anything else.
Btw, can you share you ex DA partner's pattern too?
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Post by goldilocks on Oct 31, 2018 15:48:03 GMT
For me it depends on what stage the relationship is in, how busy our schedules are and how close we live to one another.
Are we getting to know each other and not in a relationship yet? Are we going steady? Are we moving towards a future together?
But say we could get together in 30 minutes, were exclusive, and knew each other for 6 months this would be my answer:
1. Number of Text Exchanges per day/week
Once or twice a day would be fine. Some days we might skip, other days we may be texting for half an hour. It should just be organically happening.
2. Number/Hours of Phone calls per day/week
Once a week would be good. I am not a big phone person but enjoy it if we have something good to discuss. There are some evenings when I don´t want to go out but it is nice to have a chat. It is also fine to call only rarely or to call more often. I do prefer him to text before a call.
3. Number of Dates per week/month
Twice a week. If he is my love, I would make time for the relationship and try to have one dinner during the workweek and one longer date, maybe overnight during the weekend. I have a 3 day weekend, so most of the time I would be able to have me time, love time and also social time.
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Post by 8675309 on Oct 31, 2018 16:56:03 GMT
At least once a week, forgot that part! haha. Im good with non fancy dates, we could hang out doing laundry for all I care as long as we get some time in together. Im a busy person and more of a loner type so once or twice a week is good. Yes, that works for me too, I actually just like hanging out, holding hands, feeding some ducks, not necessarily spending a full day together. The regularity and consistency calms me more than anything else.
Btw, can you share you ex DA partner's pattern too?
His pattern was he chased me down and we chatted daily. Some days it was ‘heavy’ texting and some days it was just a thinking of you text. Sometimes he chased very hard. We would hang out say two weeks in a row then his contact would fall off/Just ignored me then vanish for three weeks to a month. When he ignored me I just left him alone and kept doing me like he’s not coming back. comes back and the dance starts again. Most we have hung out is twice in a month. i could not even have a good FWB thing with him, I want sex at least once a week! He can’t even do that. Lol |
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hannah
Junior Member
Posts: 67
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Post by hannah on Oct 31, 2018 17:26:24 GMT
I'm a cis woman, FA I think. I also think like goldilocks that it it depends on what stage the relationship is in and also if the person push me to be more avoidant or anxious. But ok, I will try to answer in general, in an ideal world...
So, about texting or chatting: I don't know, every other day, 3 times a week, something like that.
Phone calls: none, I hate that.
Dating: once or twice a week with some breaks sometimes. If for example we'are busy or needing space and we can't see each other for 10, 15 days I can be ok if I trust the person and if it's not always like that. Seeing each other twice a month is ok at the beginning.
I can handle better dating avoidants than anxious folks. It's ok for me to text someone everyday if it's not all day long and if there is no drama if I choose to go silent one day or two. And I don't like the avoidant tendency to don't answer to texts but I'm trying to calm my anxiety about that.
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liz
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by liz on Oct 31, 2018 19:32:05 GMT
Thank you for sharing your likes, and yes, goldilocks' scenario of 6 months exclusive living not too far away from each other is the type of comfortably humming autopilot partnership for this exercise. Thanks for the feedback and I'm going to add that to the OP.
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Post by faithopelove on Oct 31, 2018 20:30:53 GMT
I’m AP....
If I’m in an exclusive serious dating relationship than I like daily texts and phone calls at least 1-3 times a week. I would expect to see him in person once a week or more during our kid free weekends. I always loved getting the daily good night texts from my ex...and one of us always touched base each morning.
If I’m dating someone casually and the relationship is newer, than I’m fine with texting just a few days a week, one phone call every week, and seeing each other once each week, maybe less.
When getting to know someone, I don’t like to rely solely on texting.
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Post by leavethelighton on Nov 2, 2018 2:40:27 GMT
I've been married 15 years and last dated pre-text...but I would say at the 6 month point, getting together one or two times a week and emailing about 5 times a week.
Not sure of my prevailing attachment style though.
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