Post by kibbins on Nov 3, 2018 6:08:31 GMT
Well I finally took the test on this site- the longer one. I am apparently fearful avoidant towards romantic partners and secure with everyone else including my parents, except that I tend to avoid seeing my parents even though we live in the same city, but we do text. I am a big texter. Always on my phone. I don't even see them on holidays.usually am alone.
With a close friend that it asked me about I chose my ex boyfriend from 12 years ago who I am VERY close with and for all of the questions everything was strongly agree so our relationship is very secure. He is a secure and has been my rock ever since we were together and since we broke up over 12 years ago. We still share the same bed sometimes but platonically- but the thought of being sexual with him definitely repulses me. A couple times he has even tried to cuddle me and I was cringing. However for me I would not say it is because we are too close mentally (someone said FAs can't handle mental connection + physical), I just can't see him that way. There are other things about him that turn me off- life goals, priorities, sense of humor, hygiene, etc. But love him to death as a friend. I'm also friends with almost all my other exes.
Another weird thing, (as an FA) is that I love living with my partner and doing almost everything together??? I am really really guarded about my emotions at first but after i know someone likes me I let my guard down. I can spend a week on end in super close quarters with someone and feel completely content. When I am with someone I'm usually in constant contact with them via text and see them almost every day. I've lived with 3 exes.
I think the worst thing I do is tend to sabotage my relationships. With an ex he was hanging on to this non-job for the longest time working for a guy who treated him like shit and barely paid him, and I feel ashamed at how much pressure I put on him in an almost berating way to do something else when it was his own decision. I also tend to turn cold and can treat people pretty poorly with condescending remarks if I feel they're too wrapped around my finger. This is something I've sought therapy for and have worked on and hopefully will never do again.
I can move on from people pretty quickly- except this last guy who was VERY FA/DA and needed to retreat from our time together and cut it short constantly which activated my anxious side terribly.
I still think about him constantly and went no contact 4 days ago- ignored his last 2 texts (dumb joke texts he sent, not anything about us). I would like to say something but don't know how to go about it and I am always the one who reaches out with something nice anyway, so it feels defeating to always be the one to do that. I've never felt chemistry before like I do with him. This might sound insane though but although we get along so well in text (lol) in person sometimes the vibe is totally off. He said that he gets very anxious around me and nervous and that he needs to be alone. I adjusted to seeing him once a week only for a couple hours but I didn't see how that was moving the needle on him being able to spend more time around me. He has tried some times to plan a couple weekend trips but his work always comes first and he has to back out. He also never invited me to outings with his friends even if their girlfriends were there too.
In his text to me when he was breaking things off he wrote "I need to get better mentally and I would like to do that with you in my life but it seems I am unable to. Being alone will make it so I'm not hurting you" and then he continued to breadcrumb me with texts here and there and did say his life is not better without me in it (after breaking things off).
For my reachout text I was thinking about saying
"Sorry I've been MIA the last few days, I've been moving and it took a bit to get settled. I also thought about how you said you wanted to get better but were unable to do that with me in your life and also didn't seem to want to see me as a friend (re: krat comment) so I figured space was best. Anyway, I miss you but hope you're well."
With a close friend that it asked me about I chose my ex boyfriend from 12 years ago who I am VERY close with and for all of the questions everything was strongly agree so our relationship is very secure. He is a secure and has been my rock ever since we were together and since we broke up over 12 years ago. We still share the same bed sometimes but platonically- but the thought of being sexual with him definitely repulses me. A couple times he has even tried to cuddle me and I was cringing. However for me I would not say it is because we are too close mentally (someone said FAs can't handle mental connection + physical), I just can't see him that way. There are other things about him that turn me off- life goals, priorities, sense of humor, hygiene, etc. But love him to death as a friend. I'm also friends with almost all my other exes.
Another weird thing, (as an FA) is that I love living with my partner and doing almost everything together??? I am really really guarded about my emotions at first but after i know someone likes me I let my guard down. I can spend a week on end in super close quarters with someone and feel completely content. When I am with someone I'm usually in constant contact with them via text and see them almost every day. I've lived with 3 exes.
I think the worst thing I do is tend to sabotage my relationships. With an ex he was hanging on to this non-job for the longest time working for a guy who treated him like shit and barely paid him, and I feel ashamed at how much pressure I put on him in an almost berating way to do something else when it was his own decision. I also tend to turn cold and can treat people pretty poorly with condescending remarks if I feel they're too wrapped around my finger. This is something I've sought therapy for and have worked on and hopefully will never do again.
I can move on from people pretty quickly- except this last guy who was VERY FA/DA and needed to retreat from our time together and cut it short constantly which activated my anxious side terribly.
I still think about him constantly and went no contact 4 days ago- ignored his last 2 texts (dumb joke texts he sent, not anything about us). I would like to say something but don't know how to go about it and I am always the one who reaches out with something nice anyway, so it feels defeating to always be the one to do that. I've never felt chemistry before like I do with him. This might sound insane though but although we get along so well in text (lol) in person sometimes the vibe is totally off. He said that he gets very anxious around me and nervous and that he needs to be alone. I adjusted to seeing him once a week only for a couple hours but I didn't see how that was moving the needle on him being able to spend more time around me. He has tried some times to plan a couple weekend trips but his work always comes first and he has to back out. He also never invited me to outings with his friends even if their girlfriends were there too.
In his text to me when he was breaking things off he wrote "I need to get better mentally and I would like to do that with you in my life but it seems I am unable to. Being alone will make it so I'm not hurting you" and then he continued to breadcrumb me with texts here and there and did say his life is not better without me in it (after breaking things off).
For my reachout text I was thinking about saying
"Sorry I've been MIA the last few days, I've been moving and it took a bit to get settled. I also thought about how you said you wanted to get better but were unable to do that with me in your life and also didn't seem to want to see me as a friend (re: krat comment) so I figured space was best. Anyway, I miss you but hope you're well."
