Finding a Voice

I think that some of the responses to Epicgum here are a bit over-reactive and not actually understanding what was said.

I think I get what you're saying, epicgum - from an AP POV - is that just because a male oversteps the mark, it's not always fair to label them. They too could be trying to find their way. Obviously this is only when the overstepping is minor and doesn't mean that all over-stepping should be excused.
I have been on the receiving end of some seriously bad treatment by men and I can still say this.
The clue is in the reference to brain scans and the motivation to do these things.
And the respect thing - I used to think like that Epicgum, but not now. That is the AP trap.

And, BTW, if you have to ask everyone if it is OK to hug them before you do so, that would seem a bit odd and is not really healthy, as it is a natural human thing (if not for certain people / circumstances) and the ability to read another's willingness to accept / reciprocate is also quite natural when Secure.

epicgum you're talking about being caught up your own perspective and projections, right? If so, you're very right, imho. 

I think you're jumping to your own conclusions. Maybe you all should step back and try to understand what a person means (even if you end up disagreeing anyway).

You're using sarcasm to be passive aggressive towards others. You assumed what he meant, asked for no explanations. The fact that someone wants to show you a different perspective, it doesn't mean they suddenly support sexual harassment.
I, at least, understood it differently. Maybe I misunderstood him too. I don't know. But I think he was focusing on a more intuitive, bigger picture.

He's against dehumanization of a person (and if you dehumanize someone it's as low a human being can get, there's nothing good about it and in history it led to awful actions, I think one should strive to avoid it). 

As for OP's, I agree she shouldn't be touched that way if she wasn't feeling comfortable with it but all we know is that she didn't say she was (moreover the only time she rejected it "he tried to kissed me and I turned my head away.., " he understood it's unwanted and ask her to confirm".and he said I guess I’m too affectionate for you? " and she denied- "I just said, oh, no" and jumped into my car. ) Once again, I don't think it is ok, I'm also pretty much aware that some people FREEZE in such situation, but don't you think that guy might have thought they're on the same page? He clearly wanted a hook up so sexual behavior isn't something shocking if he thought she's receptive. Is it ok to judge him as a disgusting creep?

In such case I don't think epicgum should be attacked for point this out. 

And FWIW, I had a friend (female) who once was offended by a guy who wanted to take it slow even though she was throwing herself at him on the first date. Later she ruled he must be gay. 
Now, 1) she's less likely be judged as disgusting because she is a she, even if the guy was uncomfortable with it (maybe we should assume that no guy would be uncomfortable with it?)
2) as epicgum said "one person's "too fast" is another person's "too slow" in many things" even though both the OP's guy was too fast, and my friend was too fast- they would have been perfect for each other. You can say "but she would be ok with that, her boundaries are untouched" - the thing is, he might (OR MIGHT NOT) have thought that with OP- once again, boundaries weren't communicated

I'm off this forum, you're a very overbearing person.

and PS. you have a right to disagree but you have no right to be passive aggressive towards others and then pretend an angel

In my opinion, the man dehumanized the OP.  He felt entitled to touch her intimately ( a stranger) without consent.  Assuming consent has been used as a defense in many a date rape.  On a first date, I don't think consent is something that can or should be assumed.  Yes, I do think it's fair to judge him.  We have to judge people by their actions for our own safety and well being.

here's a good article, i thought, on first date physical boundaries.
www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-tips/first-date-affection-how-much-is-too-much/