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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 15:10:20 GMT
i agree, and i also think it's worth pointing out that AP perspective has them feeling victimized due to their tendency to perceive other's actions as intentionally hurtful. This article speaks to the oversensitivity of this attachment type to perceived threats, rooted in their own insecurity, feelings of powerlessness, and inability to meet their own needs. it's a real thing. it's understandable, given the roots of attachment injury, that's how the cookie crumbled for AP. but it results in a paranoia that leaves them defensive and angry when they don't feel validated in the way that they are habitually seeking. it's their own trap, all attachment styles have their own trap. and it does play out heavily here sometimes. jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/type-anxious-preoccupied/ |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 15:45:06 GMT
and there is something to be said for not enmeshing with this forum as if its an intimate relationship in which you're expecting to get all your needs met.
it's a dialog in public with strangers.
it's not your last toxic relationship or the one you're in.
it's a forum. a forum.
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 16, 2018 21:33:24 GMT
and there is something to be said for not enmeshing with this forum as if its an intimate relationship in which you're expecting to get all your needs met. it's a dialog in public with strangers. it's not your last toxic relationship or the one you're in. it's a forum. a forum. Definitely, I felt a lot of projection coming from my other thread! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2018 22:35:06 GMT
and there is something to be said for not enmeshing with this forum as if its an intimate relationship in which you're expecting to get all your needs met. it's a dialog in public with strangers. it's not your last toxic relationship or the one you're in. it's a forum. a forum. Definitely, I felt a lot of projection coming from my other thread! yeah that got really sideways , so much personal baggage thrown around that had nothing to do with the original issue. daggers galore. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Nov 17, 2018 1:31:07 GMT
This isn't just about APs being too sensitive, but I'll hold onto my daggers  I agree that there is a lot to be said for sticking around in the muck and seeing what comes up. (Now I have the metaphoric image of a pond where you swirl through the muck and might find something interesting like a beautiful stone or leaf floats up to the surface, or you discover some beautiful form of life). |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 1:47:38 GMT
Definitely, I felt a lot of projection coming from my other thread! yeah that got really sideways , so much personal baggage thrown around that had nothing to do with the original issue. daggers galore. 💥💥 I really had no idea what I would start!! I just wanted to post about my date!! 🤷♀️ |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 1:49:28 GMT
and there is something to be said for not enmeshing with this forum as if its an intimate relationship in which you're expecting to get all your needs met. it's a dialog in public with strangers. it's not your last toxic relationship or the one you're in. it's a forum. a forum. But wait, as a learning AP, I don’t expect to get all of my needs met even from my partner! 😉 |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 1:55:11 GMT
I will probably get blasted for this thread, but I'm going to say it anyway. I think there are people on this forum that are treating APs on here like fragile children....coming to their rescue so to speak. Trying to protect them as if they are children and not grown adults participating in a public forum. In many cases, I think this is well meaning, but we are all adults here and all came here to learn and grow. There are heated disagreements, and opposing views but sometimes growth and learning is through being challenged. We are all being challenged on here. We are all trying to overcome years of programming. We all will be triggered at some point, because of our programming. There will be harsh words thrown around, aggressiveness, passive aggressiveness, hurt, circular arguments, but also wise words, support, learning and growth. Some due to our attachment style but mostly due to the human condition. We are all adults here trying to take the journey of our lives! Thank you to all that have participated through the muck and the mud and continue to do so. I understand that some people have to leave/ take a break from time to time and that is everyone's choice. I think that when we are able to continue through the mud together, it's a small victory. From one that has in the past avoided conflict, this is so valuable and enlightening for me. Thank you to all who participate. You must have had amazing growth, Mary, bc the last place my ex DA would land is a forum of feelings! Never. Seriously, I’m glad you now confront issues and aren’t running. We can learn from rational dialogue. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 2:04:35 GMT
yeah that got really sideways , so much personal baggage thrown around that had nothing to do with the original issue. daggers galore. 💥💥 I really had no idea what I would start!! I just wanted to post about my date!! 🤷♀️ it turned out really well tho lol! |
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 17, 2018 2:14:13 GMT
I feel like I was dropped in the middle of a conspiracy plot without any idea what the conspiracy is all about. Supposedly I am being manipulated and don't see it.🤔
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 2:30:32 GMT
I feel like I was dropped in the middle of a conspiracy plot without any idea what the conspiracy is all about. Supposedly I am being manipulated and don't see it.🤔 there was a lot of paranoia from that poster, the whole time i've seen her active. it looks like she carried her trauma forwardi to every interaction with DA here. if there was a DA on the thread, she had a claim to make about DA that was more on target with narcissism and pathology. she conflated the two pretty continuously. that gets old for sure. i definitely felt targeted by her passive aggressive smears on DA, and it was constant. aggression that DA's face here is not as often pointed out, but it's there. The advantage we have is that it doesn't go past a surface scratch. but enough piled on thread after thread is abrasive. there are differing views on the whole issue. the whole point is, work on yourself, take what is helpful and build boundaries around the rest, and i think Jeb is right on point with the insights that he has. this forum has created a lot of growth for a lot of people who are willing to keep up the dialog. so onward. |
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 17, 2018 3:09:16 GMT
I feel like I was dropped in the middle of a conspiracy plot without any idea what the conspiracy is all about. Supposedly I am being manipulated and don't see it.🤔 Yes, condescending tone... |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 16:20:54 GMT
yeah that got really sideways , so much personal baggage thrown around that had nothing to do with the original issue. daggers galore. 💥💥 I really had no idea what I would start!! I just wanted to post about my date!! 🤷♀️ Your thread was awesome! It brought an important issue to light, it was thought provoking and interesting. This is what this forum is about. Even with the off topic posts, I think we all learned something and finding your voice is so important! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 16:24:16 GMT
I feel like I was dropped in the middle of a conspiracy plot without any idea what the conspiracy is all about. Supposedly I am being manipulated and don't see it.🤔 From what I can see, that poster was upset that Jeb didn't moderate the thread like she wanted. That and she thinks that DAs have magical "powers". I think rockgirl has displayed the condescension and behavior that she has accused others of. That's my opinion. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 16:39:07 GMT
I feel like I was dropped in the middle of a conspiracy plot without any idea what the conspiracy is all about. Supposedly I am being manipulated and don't see it.🤔 there was a lot of paranoia from that poster, the whole time i've seen her active. it looks like she carried her trauma forwardi to every interaction with DA here. if there was a DA on the thread, she had a claim to make about DA that was more on target with narcissism and pathology. she conflated the two pretty continuously. that gets old for sure. i definitely felt targeted by her passive aggressive smears on DA, and it was constant. aggression that DA's face here is not as often pointed out, but it's there. The advantage we have is that it doesn't go past a surface scratch. but enough piled on thread after thread is abrasive. there are differing views on the whole issue. the whole point is, work on yourself, take what is helpful and build boundaries around the rest, and i think Jeb is right on point with the insights that he has. this forum has created a lot of growth for a lot of people who are willing to keep up the dialog. so onward. I agree. She was working from a perception she had formed and was unwilling to be challenged to think differently. I think the trigger for her was that some DAs and APs get along on this forum and learn from each other and she saw this as "manipulation". She doesn't want her perceptions to be challenged. |
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