|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Nov 17, 2018 1:59:21 GMT
Anyone want to share examples of how you are working on consciously "reaching out" or engaging when you feel that shut-down "I'm done/this person is dead to me" sort of feeling towards someone?
Example: My primary supervisor at work of quite many years is leaving the job soon. He's been a great supervisor, an ally all these years. I can tell I'm having that nervous system deactivation "he's dead to me" sort of feeling, so I'm consciously trying to make brief small talk when we cross paths, waving goodbye in the parking lot, that sort of thing.
Or with my sister, I'm trying to reciprocate with her queries about when we might skype, or about recipes. I'm still annoyed that she just wants our sisterly relationship to be about the superficialities of life, but I recognize that shutting down and putting no more effort into the relationship would be something I'd regret later on.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 5:23:27 GMT
Anyone want to share examples of how you are working on consciously "reaching out" or engaging when you feel that shut-down "I'm done/this person is dead to me" sort of feeling towards someone?
Example: My primary supervisor at work of quite many years is leaving the job soon. He's been a great supervisor, an ally all these years. I can tell I'm having that nervous system deactivation "he's dead to me" sort of feeling, so I'm consciously trying to make brief small talk when we cross paths, waving goodbye in the parking lot, that sort of thing.
Or with my sister, I'm trying to reciprocate with her queries about when we might skype, or about recipes. I'm still annoyed that she just wants our sisterly relationship to be about the superficialities of life, but I recognize that shutting down and putting no more effort into the relationship would be something I'd regret later on.
i get it. how do you feel about asking each of these people questions about themselves with the idea of learning something more about them that you don't know? the things that interest your sister aren't the same as what interests you, or at least that isn't what she's sharing. but what if you try to explore something that she likes with her, in a conversation? with the supervisor, you could express your appreciation for the ally he has been, and ask him how he feels about the move, and express your well wishes for him and his (family?) just stepping outside ourselves to draw others out can draw us out too, into connection. it depends on how deep you want to go, i suppose. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 17:33:38 GMT
Anyone want to share examples of how you are working on consciously "reaching out" or engaging when you feel that shut-down "I'm done/this person is dead to me" sort of feeling towards someone?
Example: My primary supervisor at work of quite many years is leaving the job soon. He's been a great supervisor, an ally all these years. I can tell I'm having that nervous system deactivation "he's dead to me" sort of feeling, so I'm consciously trying to make brief small talk when we cross paths, waving goodbye in the parking lot, that sort of thing.
Or with my sister, I'm trying to reciprocate with her queries about when we might skype, or about recipes. I'm still annoyed that she just wants our sisterly relationship to be about the superficialities of life, but I recognize that shutting down and putting no more effort into the relationship would be something I'd regret later on.
i get it. how do you feel about asking each of these people questions about themselves with the idea of learning something more about them that you don't know? the things that interest your sister aren't the same as what interests you, or at least that isn't what she's sharing. but what if you try to explore something that she likes with her, in a conversation? with the supervisor, you could express your appreciation for the ally he has been, and ask him how he feels about the move, and express your well wishes for him and his (family?) just stepping outside ourselves to draw others out can draw us out too, into connection. it depends on how deep you want to go, i suppose. I definitely agree. I'm not much of a chit chat person. Digging beyond the superficial with people strengthens connection and gives you the platform to share about yourself. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 17:37:39 GMT
yeah, and i mean, i'm quirky and the things that are important to me would be completely meaningless to others.
sometimes you can learn a lot about a person by just letting them be them and see what it means , for them, to be the way.
a penchant for recipes could be because her gift is nurturing with a good meal. it could be very meaningful for her. stuff like that.
|
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Nov 18, 2018 0:51:02 GMT
i get it. how do you feel about asking each of these people questions about themselves with the idea of learning something more about them that you don't know? the things that interest your sister aren't the same as what interests you, or at least that isn't what she's sharing. but what if you try to explore something that she likes with her, in a conversation? with the supervisor, you could express your appreciation for the ally he has been, and ask him how he feels about the move, and express your well wishes for him and his (family?) just stepping outside ourselves to draw others out can draw us out too, into connection. it depends on how deep you want to go, i suppose. I did attempt to have a conversation like that with my supervisor but I kind of sucked at it...too much emotion in the particular moment I guess. Maybe we can have some chit-chat like that at something more casual like a work party if somesuch event happens before he leaves.
Good idea about asking my sister more questions and going from there...
|
|
