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Post by stavs on Dec 3, 2018 14:38:59 GMT
After almost two years of dating, I am finally meeting the parental units. My FA has social anxiety, and constantly worries, predicts doom in every encounter, etc. So, that being said, I want this to go as smooth as possible and have her as comfortable as I can. I am doing the cooking at her house and pretty much taking care of everything. For those FAs who have been in this situation, what could have been done to put you more at ease? I will obviously be on my best behavior (a struggle at times  ), and I will certainly be genuine as I am very excited (yet nervous) to meet them. |
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Post by mrob on Dec 3, 2018 15:21:12 GMT
In my last one it was bounced onto me with no way of getting out of it, very early. I was absolutely terrified. It was like “this is now official, there’s no getting out of it now”. Be very grateful this is happening, and be prepared for the backlash afterwards.
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Post by stavs on Dec 3, 2018 15:25:25 GMT
I'm extremely grateful! I have been pushing to meet them for a long time. This is a HUGE milestone for our relationship and I am embracing it 100%! I know she is dreading it though, and I want it to be perfect for her in every way.
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lilos
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Post by lilos on Dec 3, 2018 18:40:38 GMT
I would say for me- I would maybe be comforted with some validation of my experience. That I am nervous and afraid how this will go (definitely not perfect in my mind) and that whatever happens- this is just an experience with no expectations and when it’s done nothing has changed other than they have met you and you have met them. Not such a big deal- even though it feels like one.
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Post by stavs on Dec 10, 2018 13:29:35 GMT
So I got to meet mom and dad and it went very well. Before I even got there, I was texted a "work order." The garbage disposal wasn't working, so after I came in and went through the pleasantries, I proceeded to fix the garbage disposal and gain more approval - yay me. It was pretty interesting watching my FA girlfriend interact with her parents. Nervous wreck, very closed off, etc, but loosened up after some drinks. Funniest part was when her mother was pestering her about why I was kept a secret for so long. What really intrigues me though, is now that this meet has happened, more plans have been pushed for the future. The next day all of a sudden we are planning a second cruise for 7 days in September, and now I will be toted along for trips to visit the parents.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2018 17:23:05 GMT
So I got to meet mom and dad and it went very well. Before I even got there, I was texted a "work order." The garbage disposal wasn't working, so after I came in and went through the pleasantries, I proceeded to fix the garbage disposal and gain more approval - yay me. It was pretty interesting watching my FA girlfriend interact with her parents. Nervous wreck, very closed off, etc, but loosened up after some drinks. Funniest part was when her mother was pestering her about why I was kept a secret for so long. What really intrigues me though, is now that this meet has happened, more plans have been pushed for the future. The next day all of a sudden we are planning a second cruise for 7 days in September, and now I will be toted along for trips to visit the parents. Stav I couldn't be happier for you, and your partner. I'm in the same position. We've been together just over a year and not met anyone of his friends or family. I use to take it personal because there is a big age gap me the female being 9 years older, but I know it's not that now as he's told them I'm older than him. His mum had terminal cancer and I hope and pray I get to meet her before she passed away. He is very awkward when it's not just the two off us doing our own thing so I can imagine he would be similar to how you described the initial meeting until we had a few drinks inside us. I just wonder what is the cause of this behaviour. He appears to be very close to his parents and speaks often on the phone to them a lot of the time I'm sat besides him at the time and all appears ok. Again it's the old intimacy thing isn't it. Really happy for you and hope you feel a lot more included in her life now 😉 |
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Post by stavs on Dec 10, 2018 18:38:50 GMT
So I got to meet mom and dad and it went very well. Before I even got there, I was texted a "work order." The garbage disposal wasn't working, so after I came in and went through the pleasantries, I proceeded to fix the garbage disposal and gain more approval - yay me. It was pretty interesting watching my FA girlfriend interact with her parents. Nervous wreck, very closed off, etc, but loosened up after some drinks. Funniest part was when her mother was pestering her about why I was kept a secret for so long. What really intrigues me though, is now that this meet has happened, more plans have been pushed for the future. The next day all of a sudden we are planning a second cruise for 7 days in September, and now I will be toted along for trips to visit the parents. Stav I couldn't be happier for you, and your partner. I'm in the same position. We've been together just over a year and not met anyone of his friends or family. I use to take it personal because there is a big age gap me the female being 9 years older, but I know it's not that now as he's told them I'm older than him. His mum had terminal cancer and I hope and pray I get to meet her before she passed away. He is very awkward when it's not just the two off us doing our own thing so I can imagine he would be similar to how you described the initial meeting until we had a few drinks inside us. I just wonder what is the cause of this behaviour. He appears to be very close to his parents and speaks often on the phone to them a lot of the time I'm sat besides him at the time and all appears ok. Again it's the old intimacy thing isn't it. Really happy for you and hope you feel a lot more included in her life now 😉 Thank you I hope you do get to meet the mother. It truly was a special moment for me, especially when I got the "my mom loves you!" text. I also had the age gap fear as I am 15 years older. Now Christmas will be interesting...thios will be the second time she meets my mother....wish me luck! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2018 20:48:00 GMT
Stav I couldn't be happier for you, and your partner. I'm in the same position. We've been together just over a year and not met anyone of his friends or family. I use to take it personal because there is a big age gap me the female being 9 years older, but I know it's not that now as he's told them I'm older than him. His mum had terminal cancer and I hope and pray I get to meet her before she passed away. He is very awkward when it's not just the two off us doing our own thing so I can imagine he would be similar to how you described the initial meeting until we had a few drinks inside us. I just wonder what is the cause of this behaviour. He appears to be very close to his parents and speaks often on the phone to them a lot of the time I'm sat besides him at the time and all appears ok. Again it's the old intimacy thing isn't it. Really happy for you and hope you feel a lot more included in her life now 😉 Thank you I hope you do get to meet the mother. It truly was a special moment for me, especially when I got the "my mom loves you!" text. I also had the age gap fear as I am 15 years older. Now Christmas will be interesting...thios will be the second time she meets my mother....wish me luck! [b Yayyyy her mum's love you... Big tick on that one. As a mum of three adult kids that is so important. I will wish you the best off luck for a second meeting with your mum 😀. I don't think my FA bf is ready to meet my parents yetttt, mums pretty scary lolzzz. |
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Post by stavs on Dec 11, 2018 13:20:01 GMT
Thank you I hope you do get to meet the mother. It truly was a special moment for me, especially when I got the "my mom loves you!" text. I also had the age gap fear as I am 15 years older. Now Christmas will be interesting...thios will be the second time she meets my mother....wish me luck! [b Yayyyy her mum's love you... Big tick on that one. As a mum of three adult kids that is so important. I will wish you the best off luck for a second meeting with your mum 😀. I don't think my FA bf is ready to meet my parents yetttt, mums pretty scary lolzzz. Has he expressed interest in meeting your parents at all? |
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Post by chipper on Dec 11, 2018 19:25:20 GMT
Is she aware she's FA?
I ask because I met my ex FA's parents a few times, and they did have a good relationship. From hearing her stories though, their relationship while growing up was pretty harsh.
It seems like if the relationship with the parents (caretakers) that lead to avoidant behavior improves as the child grows, there's a better chance that the adult FA can learn and grow more secure (as opposed to an FA who's caretaker is still absent, etc).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2018 21:34:22 GMT
[b Yayyyy her mum's love you... Big tick on that one. As a mum of three adult kids that is so important. I will wish you the best off luck for a second meeting with your mum 😀. I don't think my FA bf is ready to meet my parents yetttt, mums pretty scary lolzzz. Has he expressed interest in meeting your parents at all? My parents live 350 miles away so I don't see them much. But know he doesn't express any desire to meet them. He has met my youngest daughter and my granddaughter and gets on with them very well. He wouldn't socialize with any of my friends and family and turns down any invitations to go to my daughter's home but happy to engage with her when she visits my home.. We live together in my house. I don't know how he will deal with it when my parents come to stay with me next. I think he wants to buy another motorhome so he can go off and stay in that when relatives come to visit. It's really tough as I know my family will think it's very rude and odd if he disappears when they come to visit. I feel protective over him and hate the thought of him being judge but I can also understand how very odd it would appear. I guess I'm only starting to understand this behaviour myself and that's only because I've found this forum. My parents would think it nonsense if I tried to explain what I've learnt and wouldn't want me to continue in such a relationship. The thing is if they actually get to meet my bf they would really love him as he is so very likable. If he chooses to vanish when they come to stay they will end up judging his actions harshly and probably decide not to like him. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it 🙃 |
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Post by stavs on Dec 12, 2018 16:39:48 GMT
Is she aware she's FA? I ask because I met my ex FA's parents a few times, and they did have a good relationship. From hearing her stories though, their relationship while growing up was pretty harsh. It seems like if the relationship with the parents (caretakers) that lead to avoidant behavior improves as the child grows, there's a better chance that the adult FA can learn and grow more secure (as opposed to an FA who's caretaker is still absent, etc). SO I've tried to explain it to her, but she didn't want to hear it. She has been diagnosed with social anxiety and borderline sociopath...ya me. LOL. It's a struggle, but I try. |
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Post by stavs on Dec 12, 2018 16:41:50 GMT
Has he expressed interest in meeting your parents at all? My parents live 350 miles away so I don't see them much. But know he doesn't express any desire to meet them. He has met my youngest daughter and my granddaughter and gets on with them very well. He wouldn't socialize with any of my friends and family and turns down any invitations to go to my daughter's home but happy to engage with her when she visits my home.. We live together in my house. I don't know how he will deal with it when my parents come to stay with me next. I think he wants to buy another motorhome so he can go off and stay in that when relatives come to visit. It's really tough as I know my family will think it's very rude and odd if he disappears when they come to visit. I feel protective over him and hate the thought of him being judge but I can also understand how very odd it would appear. I guess I'm only starting to understand this behaviour myself and that's only because I've found this forum. My parents would think it nonsense if I tried to explain what I've learnt and wouldn't want me to continue in such a relationship. The thing is if they actually get to meet my bf they would really love him as he is so very likable. If he chooses to vanish when they come to stay they will end up judging his actions harshly and probably decide not to like him. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it 🙃 Its getting everyone to step out of their comfort zone and see for themselves that what they fear isn't so bad. I hope he will take the step and try to meet them when they come. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2018 16:49:03 GMT
My parents live 350 miles away so I don't see them much. But know he doesn't express any desire to meet them. He has met my youngest daughter and my granddaughter and gets on with them very well. He wouldn't socialize with any of my friends and family and turns down any invitations to go to my daughter's home but happy to engage with her when she visits my home.. We live together in my house. I don't know how he will deal with it when my parents come to stay with me next. I think he wants to buy another motorhome so he can go off and stay in that when relatives come to visit. It's really tough as I know my family will think it's very rude and odd if he disappears when they come to visit. I feel protective over him and hate the thought of him being judge but I can also understand how very odd it would appear. I guess I'm only starting to understand this behaviour myself and that's only because I've found this forum. My parents would think it nonsense if I tried to explain what I've learnt and wouldn't want me to continue in such a relationship. The thing is if they actually get to meet my bf they would really love him as he is so very likable. If he chooses to vanish when they come to stay they will end up judging his actions harshly and probably decide not to like him. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it 🙃 Its getting everyone to step out of their comfort zone and see for themselves that what they fear isn't so bad. I hope he will take the step and try to meet them when they come. Thanks Stav I hope so too. If he can let go of fear, my family will meet hi and see him for the amazing man I know and see, instead of a guy that from the outside norm just appears weird. That is the sad truth. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2018 16:52:27 GMT
Its getting everyone to step out of their comfort zone and see for themselves that what they fear isn't so bad. I hope he will take the step and try to meet them when they come. Thanks Stav I hope so too. If he can let go of fear, my family will meet hi and see him for the amazing man I know and see, instead of a guy that from the outside norm just appears weird. That is the sad truth. Btw I'm Willing to stand up to my parents who are narcissists for this man. He means a lot to me. |
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), and I will certainly be genuine as I am very excited (yet nervous) to meet them.