Post by beky on May 16, 2017 0:01:47 GMT
I have a situation with an avoidant; I don't know if dismissive or fearful. I think dismissive.
I don't mind avoidants. This one confuses me.
We met a year ago. First few months texted all day, every day. Spent time together. We were very close. I could tell there was a strong physical attraction but he never acted on it. So eventually I told him. He seemed excited; we spent two days in bed messing around. Finally the second day I indicated he should put in it, basically. He freaked out and literally ran away. Came back dressed. Seemed angry. We talked the next few days. I tried to act like nothing happened. Then he stop speaking to me, ignored my messages and calls. This went on for three months. I gave him some time where I didnt speak, to let him get past whatever. Then I wrote him a message, baring my soul. He first responded to leave him alone. A few hours later, he wrote me a long message about how gorgerous I was and what a connection we had, but the problem was I don't drink and he didn't think I was enjoying our sexual encounter, we can be friends but he didnt want to try anything else because it will not work and harm us.
I didnt give up. I kept writing him love letters once every couple weeks. He could be mean at times. About 2 months of this, he said he would love to have sex but isnt capable of a long term relationship, and didnt want to hurt me. I told him I still desired him. After that, we kept making plans to have sex, which he usually breaks. We actually did have sex but usually he contacts me, says he wants it, and then backs out.
At this point I just want to have sex on a regular, predictable basis and we will see what comes of it.
He did say that its been "so long" since he had sex, made a joke about being a 40 year old virgin, and seems inexperienced and has some dysfunction. I couldnt care less though. I prefer that to someone who sleeps around.
He has also been on a marriage oriented dating site for years with no serious relationship, and seems to have body image issues.
Anyway, how can I get more out of this?
I don't mind avoidants. This one confuses me.
We met a year ago. First few months texted all day, every day. Spent time together. We were very close. I could tell there was a strong physical attraction but he never acted on it. So eventually I told him. He seemed excited; we spent two days in bed messing around. Finally the second day I indicated he should put in it, basically. He freaked out and literally ran away. Came back dressed. Seemed angry. We talked the next few days. I tried to act like nothing happened. Then he stop speaking to me, ignored my messages and calls. This went on for three months. I gave him some time where I didnt speak, to let him get past whatever. Then I wrote him a message, baring my soul. He first responded to leave him alone. A few hours later, he wrote me a long message about how gorgerous I was and what a connection we had, but the problem was I don't drink and he didn't think I was enjoying our sexual encounter, we can be friends but he didnt want to try anything else because it will not work and harm us.
I didnt give up. I kept writing him love letters once every couple weeks. He could be mean at times. About 2 months of this, he said he would love to have sex but isnt capable of a long term relationship, and didnt want to hurt me. I told him I still desired him. After that, we kept making plans to have sex, which he usually breaks. We actually did have sex but usually he contacts me, says he wants it, and then backs out.
At this point I just want to have sex on a regular, predictable basis and we will see what comes of it.
He did say that its been "so long" since he had sex, made a joke about being a 40 year old virgin, and seems inexperienced and has some dysfunction. I couldnt care less though. I prefer that to someone who sleeps around.
He has also been on a marriage oriented dating site for years with no serious relationship, and seems to have body image issues.
Anyway, how can I get more out of this?
