sam
Junior Member
Posts: 60 
|
Post by sam on May 21, 2017 15:34:57 GMT
Do avoidants go from relationship to relationship? Or do they have a break in between?
|
|
|
|
Post by trixie5179 on May 21, 2017 16:59:42 GMT
I think it really depends on the individual. My avoidant ex is in his early 30's and has only had two girlfriends (one being me), and he had 8 years between them.
|
|
|
|
Post by HowPredictable1 on May 21, 2017 19:49:37 GMT
I think it really depends. Partly personality, partly the level of Avoidance.
Mine is in his late 50s. Counting me, he's had three relationships in his entire life, all spread out by many years. In between, he had long stretches of either dating no one at all, or lightly dating a succession of women for 2 or 3 months. But even in the dating phases he usually didn't have sex with the women, they were more like a series of dinner dates with him eventually sabotaging it somehow.
|
|
sam
Junior Member
Posts: 60
|
Post by sam on May 21, 2017 22:30:35 GMT
Thank you for your responses, I was with my avoidant ex for four years and 10 months on I'm still recovering and don't want to be in a relationship until I'm completely recovered. I was a secure and over time became anxious so I'm heading my way back to secure.
I was told by someone that my ex had a new girlfriend and I was told that months ago.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on May 23, 2017 13:10:14 GMT
In my experience, the time it takes for the visible process of moving on to the next one may vary between avoidants, but the time it takes them to move on emotionally is usually very short. Their defense mechanisms are geared towards maintaining a high image of self, so in his mind, he's probably convinced himself that it was all (or at least for the most part) your fault that this happened and it will be better with someone else. Taking time to heal and work on yourself, looking at yourself critically is something mostly associated with secures and the anxious and I think only highly self-aware avoidants can do this. Especially with a dismissive, the characteristics of their attachment style are detrimental in reaching that point. It's far easier to just use fault-finding to assign blame and move on to someone else, thinking that will solve everything.
|
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Jun 5, 2017 1:01:17 GMT
I agree it depends on the person. If I was single, would probably have long breaks between. However, I have known avoidant people who are pretty much never single-- it's just one right after another.
|
|
