Post by ocarina on Jan 11, 2019 19:46:10 GMT
I know there are very few DAs lurking here - but I shall put this into the ether in case.....
Do any of you have - or have you had in the past, a problem with being vulnerable? In relationships and in life in general.
I suspect it's one of the core traits - the feeling that we have life sorted, that we're self sufficient, invulnerable, better off alone, nobody will understand, we need nobody. I've certainly felt that way for a lot of my life and have really felt true intimacy for the first time by being real - ie honest in a kind of radical way, firstly with close and trusted friends and now more and more in my life in general.
I have a fairly high pressure professional job - with a lot of responsibility and am considered an expert in my field and also have a crippling fear of failure. It's shaped my life (now that I can see it). I am so relived to find that as I get older, I am more willing to make mistakes, to admit I don't know. It's liberating and it creates trust and intimacy.
Yesterday I had a situation at work where I felt uneasy around a clinical judgement - I am surrounded by people who thrive on knowing more than their clients/ patients and where mistakes are really frowned on or covered over. I spent yesterday evening mulling the facts and ended up feeling increasingly uncomfortable around the case - and eventually phoned the client to discuss the possibility that yesterdays decision (on the basis of evidence that came to light later) may not be the correct one. It was SUCH a relief to be able to do this - in the past I would have rationalised, swept it under the carpet - it was so liberating. Surprisingly it was also appreciated by the client and I feel we have a better working relationship as a result.