FA coming back?

throwaway1713
New Member

Posts: 30

FA coming back? Jan 15, 2019 23:56:28 GMT via mobile

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Post by throwaway1713 on Jan 15, 2019 23:56:28 GMT

I’ve posted my back story on here before, basically my FA ex shut down on me over the course of our 3 year relationship, emotionally, physically and intimately. He also couldn’t talk about it at all. He broke up with me and got with someone new. I instantly went NC on him and have been the whole time we’ve been apart, 10 months now. I’m maintaining this boundary because his behavior is so all over the place.

The only break in NC was I sent him a message outlining FA, what caused it etc about 2 months ago. Neither of us knew about it when we were together and I discovered it during the NC period. I want him to have access to the info for whenever he’s ready to face his problem.

Anyway, I found out yesterday that he’s broken up with the new girl. Apparently it went terribly (of course!) and he’s moving out of the place he was in with her. And...he’s moving to my street. Where he used to live with me for 3 years.

Does this seem like a tentative FA return? I am completely resolute either way, we cannot be together if he isn’t in a place where he is able to face his problems. I don’t want drama, I don’t want easily avoidable emotional turmoil. I will remain NC with him if that appears to be the case. However, we had an incredible, beautiful relationship. We are soulmates and best friends. I test as secure.

Has anyone experienced this situation with an FA (or is an FA who went through something like this) and how did you handle it?

chipper
Junior Member

Posts: 58

FA coming back? Jan 16, 2019 4:29:56 GMT

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Post by chipper on Jan 16, 2019 4:29:56 GMT

This sub is really for FA support. Not FA FAQ.

That said, I don’t know if it’s a tentative return. I don’t think any of us can guess that.

Checkout my post history and you’ll see my story.

If this person is a soulmate and best friend, NC isn’t necessary if you’re ok with it. But you might want to consider establishing physical intimacy boundaries if you’re not interested in getting back together.

alexandra
Platinum Member

Posts: 3,013

FA coming back? Jan 16, 2019 8:05:24 GMT via mobile

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Post by alexandra on Jan 16, 2019 8:05:24 GMT

You should move this to the general FA board, but I think you are giving him too much credit that the decision is conscious. My two FA exes are so disconnected from themselves that they both would do things that seemed like really obvious responses to emotionally overwhelming situations, and they never made the connection themselves or became conscious of their motivations. Maybe your ex thinks of that street as a place he felt comfortable and safe, or maybe he knows the neighbors and one had a good deal for an open unit. Either way, it's not good for you to conjecture what may happen next. Maybe nothing, maybe breadcrumbs. He has not changed or done his work either way, so try not to think about what he's doing, hold your boundaries if he starts trying to orbit and get your attention without real change, and focus on how you're moving on from a cycle that will keep repeating if he doesn't put in the effort to face himself. You can try to be friends one day after you've truly moved on, if you still want to be.

Last Edit: Jan 16, 2019 8:07:28 GMT by alexandra

happyidiot
Honored Contributor

FA

Posts: 583

FA coming back? Jan 16, 2019 21:58:18 GMT

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Post by happyidiot on Jan 16, 2019 21:58:18 GMT

Like the others said, this is the forum that is supposed to be for FAs wanting support from other FAs, not people looking for support regarding their FA ex, so your post might not get a lot of views or answers here.

I agree completely with alexandra . While it does feel like more than coincidence, it's unlikely he made a conscious decision to move somewhere close to you or that reminds him of you or that it's possible to tell if it means anything in particular. Try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. You can cross those bridges if and when they come. It doesn't sound like he used the time apart to do a tremendous amount of personal growth.

I test as FA for what it's worth.

Last Edit: Jan 16, 2019 21:58:45 GMT by happyidiot

nottheonion Junior Member Posts: 87	FA coming back? Jan 25, 2019 23:41:40 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by nottheonion on Jan 25, 2019 23:41:40 GMT I’m FA and would never do something like moving near my ex for any (false) hope. Once you are an FA, you avoid, you don’t do these risky bold gesture. At least I don’t.

Post by throwaway1713 on Jan 15, 2019 23:56:28 GMT

Post by chipper on Jan 16, 2019 4:29:56 GMT

Post by alexandra on Jan 16, 2019 8:05:24 GMT

Post by happyidiot on Jan 16, 2019 21:58:18 GMT

Post by nottheonion on Jan 25, 2019 23:41:40 GMT